Harper left almost immediately after we were finished, redressing and slithering out the door like the poisonous snake she was. The part of me that wanted her to stay was trumped by the part of me who knew I didnt deserve her company.
She was beautiful, all dark, sorrowful eyes and white hair streaked with blue. Even with tears forming in the corners of her eyes, daring to spill out in rivulets of black, she took my breath away. But I knew well enough that it wasnt me she wanted. I ws just a game to her. A toy to pass the time.
I needed a distraction, a way to block out the memory of her lips against my bare skin. The heat of summer already seemed to be stifling me. Pulling a dark green shirt up over my head and smoothing out my light brown hair, I started off for the library. At least I would find an escape in there.
I was only a few pages into Paradise Lost, marveling at Lucifer's air of nonchalance about the whole thing and wondering what sort of God might cast out such intelligent creatures for the damned human race, when I heard the rough slamming of the door. I listened to the approaching footsteps patiently, trying to decipher whose they were.
I did not expect to see the shadowy figure standing in the doorway. At first my eyes went wide, but I managed to keep my composure. "Every time I come home you're hiding out in here."
I shrugged, but was quick to close the book and drop it onto the couch beside me. "You dont exactly come home much."
Trevor let out a slight laugh. "Yeah, well. I was in the area, kind of." I nodded because I didnt want to think about why he'd been in the area. I knew the reason all too well.
I stood up and approached him. "How have you been?" I asked. Trevor only shrugged, stepping aside to let me out. Together we went into the kitchen, where the dark haired boy immediataly headed to the fridge. "You wont find any beer."
I wasnt surprised when he closed the door and hoisted himself up onto the counter. "Mom and Dad still so straightedge?" That was sort of our joke. If jokes werent meant to be funny and happened to be the truest statement ever made. "You'll be happy to get out."
I wished that Trevor and I might have some serious conversation in which I would confess my misery and he would give me any advice he could. Then he would tell me how to win Harper's heart and possibly even start to come over for dinner again. Somehow he and our father would make up, and my mom would stop crying herself to sleep at night.
Instead, Trevor let out a sigh, slid back to the ground, and offered me a feeble hal-smile. "Take care of yourself, Kiddo," he said, thought I suspected the affection was forced. I almost asked when he would be back. In the end my voice failed me.
"Bloody good show," I muttered aloud to myself. I didnt even need to read to understand how Lucifer felt. Paradise was something that could never be obtained; even when I thought I knew wha it was, the city reminded me that it was lost. My brother, who I so wanted to love me, was a self absorbed fuck up. My parents obviously didnt know I existed. And the beautiful angel who crawled into my bed, crawled under my skin only to rip my heart out...well, I didnt deserve to know her touch.
No, I thought with sudden clarity. Not this summer. This summer things would be different. Somehow I would make everything right