Here we go again.
Blonde,messed up, just got out of bed look hair, tall, about a head taller than me, not muscular but toned. Perfect? Should be. Every thing is perfect, except the doubt. The doubt which fills inside me everytime I meet someone - Maybe I'm just not suited for relationships, I'm not a love person, maybe I don't need it - but I can't stop myself from craving it.
Maybe it's me.
Maybe I'm the one, who messes it up. Maybe I'm the problem, just maybe. Well if I'm the problem, I'll change. He was sweet, caring and possibly amazing - everything I needed. This i was going to work, I thought. The way he hugged me, when his hands rested on my stomach, the way he played with my buttons so gently. When he kissed me, his lips soft and warm, his hands stroked my face and played with my hair. The type of love every girl dreams for, well nearly everyone.
This isn't normal.
Why can't I just be happy, for once, everything to be just right - perfect. He didn't want me but he did, he loved me too much if thats even possible, or I just didn't love him enough. Again, I am the problem, the problem which is stopping me from being happy. What I feel isn't normal, I should have been happy with him, in his arms, protecting me, looking after me - but I didn't feel safe.
It's not my fault.
Its not my fault, its turned out like this. Not my fault about my feelings, I can't stop them, keep them or change them - so why do I feel so bad. Maybe because I did it again, I raised my own hopes, wishing for something magic. He was different, special and rather amazing why can't I have someone like that. Why can't I love him, as much as he will always love me, but its not my fault.
Thats all I want.
Some girls want fairy-tales, prince charming on a white horse, happily ever after - but if you think about it, theres always a problem, a evil witch or an angry step mother. Things always seem to be harder or there is a problem, or a mountain to climb. I'm not his princess, I'm not what he wants, he's not going to save me on a white horse, but I truly believe someone will. I believe they will look after me, but I can't change it, how I feel and what is already said and done.
I want a fairytale, but how many frogs do I have to kiss until i find my prince ?