Just something I wrote from the heart. My heart? Most probably. It's up to you to find out. :)
I slammed the door of my locker and shouldered my bag, fuming and cursing at the world for its unfairness. I was not going to cry, I was set on that, I couldn't let anybody see my defenses down. I walked alone through the packed hallways to my next class, dreading the meeting with the person that tore away my heart and left a black hole in it instead. I was too weak, too tired to pick up the pieces of my heart and restore it to its place. So I left it there, where he left me, drying and turning to dust under the endless sky.
I pushed those thoughts away. The only thing I regretted was crying in front of him, when he told me he didn't love me anymore. If I could change things, I wouldn't have cried, for him to see that I could live happy and well without him.
Tears were prickling in the back of my eyes and my throat was throbbing in pain. This was unbearable, and it had to happen to me. To be honest, I had seen this coming my way. His subtlety to get rid of me, his annoyance when he was with me, and how he looked at that other girl; it all meant that my fairytale was going to end and I clung desperately to the shreds of fading hope that kept me by his side.
How strange. Why do people always like doing silly things? Even when you know that the person you love doesn't love you anymore, you still don't want to admit that you were left behind, so you deliberately touch that wound. You're not satisfied until you're full of scars. You're just asking for it.
That night, when he left me, I was wishing and hoping for his return to my side. Waiting for him to tell me it was all a mistake and that he still loved me. I pictured him telling me with tears, "Sorry I let you suffer too much". But he never returned and just left me in the park, under the few burning stars. My heart slowly slipped from between my fingers and crashed and shattered on the grounds of my rejection. I cried and silently called him to come back.
The tear was rolling down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away. I had suffered enough and wasn't planning on having him see me like this: crying because of him. We told each other "I love you" many times, but the only difference was that I wasn't lying.
All of my friends tried to comfort me, tried to tell me he was a complete jerk that didn't deserve an ounce of the tears I was shedding for him. Maybe they were right, and I felt ashamed of myself for once upon a time considering myself the luckiest person in the world. Now I felt the most lonely and devastated.
I lowered my eyes to stare at the passing floor. I had had enough of everyone's pity, I didn't need more. I was tired of feeling that I owed him a life of happiness when I owed him nothing.
That comforting voice, the voice I heard every night through the telephone spoke up and called my name. I looked up and saw Lucas, my best friend and neighbor, standing before me with a look of concern in his face.
"Hi," I managed to say. He was the shoulder I could cry on, the sponge I could tell all my problems to, and he would absorb, listen, and advised. He was the only person I allowed into my life when Evan left me.
"How are you doing?"
"I see," he nodded. "Listen, do you want hang out tonight? Maybe we can go have a stroll in the park or at the beach after dinner."
I smiled at him. He was so nice and kind. I always wondered why we never make it through the first date, but I knew the answer immediately. I valued him more like a friend that a possible boyfriend, and wished it would stay that way. But sometimes, the thought of him being with another girl annoyed me to no ends.
"That would be lovely," I answered. "I need to get out of that house ASAP, I feel like every day, I'm being dragged a little bit closer to hell, and there's no possibility to escape from those hurtful claws."
"Your life is not over Audrey," Lucas said kindly. "One heart break is not going to make your heart bleed nonstop, unless of course you allow it to. I know you better than to do that. You're strong, you will make it through. Everybody has those ten thousand possibilities, as long as you leave the one that's hurting you."
Lucas the sage, that title suited him the best. "Thank you Lucas."
He grinned and said, "So see you after dinner? I will come by to pick you up promptly at eight."
"Sounds good," I replied.
Before he could leave for his class, he slipped a post-it note in my hand, smiled ruefully and left.
I watched him disappear through the throng of students. I unfolded the post-it note and couldn't help myself but to blush and smile when I read the following sentences, scribbled in his squiggly calligraphy:
"You're so young, so beautiful
So flawless in my eyes
Don't you know the world shines
Every time you smile
Why can't you just smile?"
He produced a smile on my face, a smile that I had previously worn as a disguise of my unhappiness. Now, this smile was real, a smile promising me ten thousand possibilities.