I collapsed on my bed, another day had gone by slowly without Eilidh.
I breathed in her pillow, it still smelled like her.
I couldn’t be bothered to get into my pyjamas. I just lay there until morning, drifting in and out of consciousness, worrying what could happen. I didn’t want to lose her. She was my life.
I awoke fully at about four. I bolted up, sweat pouring from my face. I had been dreaming of my parents. The people Eilidh had saved me from. She had given me the strength to stand up to them. Convinced me to run away and get married to her. My parents don’t bother me anymore.
I saw the beams of dim light on the floor, which was covered with clothes and other oddities as I hadn’t taken notice of the mess since Eilidh left.
I craned my neck as I sat in my bed to see the moon.
“Tell Eilidh I’m sorry.” I said to it, even though I knew it wouldn’t help me.
I trundled around the house for a while, wondering what to do. I settled on watching TV and drinking tequila.
Friends was on but watching how Ross and Rachel were so happy together made me so upset I had to turn it off.
Suddenly the phone rang, the shrill noise filled my head. I answered it quickly, in case it was her.
“Hello?” I tried to sound normal, unsuccessfully.
“Oh my, Donny.” She sounded speechless that I had actually picked up the phone.
I listened to her breathing for what seemed like years. Eventually she spoke.
“Donny. I can’t do this. I can’t speak to you again. It hurts too much.” Her smooth voice was now shaky.
I snapped out of my speechlessness.
“Eilidh. It doesn’t need to hurt. Just tell me what to do. I can make it better, no matter what it is.” I pleaded.
“No, Donny. This is it. I’ve already got an apartment.” I could picture tears streaming down her face as she spoke.
I was silent.
“Goodbye, Donny. I don’t need my clothes. I’ve got new ones. Have a nice life. Bye, I love you.”
She hung up before I got to say goodbye. I dropped the phone as she said “I love you”.
I couldn’t understand her. She loved me, she said, yet we couldn’t be together. Why?
* * *
I hadn't been dressed when I left.
I strolled along the path, glancing at everyone I saw in case it was her.
It was no use, I saw her face everywhere, even on the body-builder who lives down my road.
I shook it off and kept walking, knowing where I was headed.
I walked briskly for around half an hour, getting weird looks from everyone who passed me. Some even crossed the road to get farther away from me. I suddenly realised what I was wearing: Boxers... Just boxers and a dressing gown.
I didn't care, but I did start jogging.
I walked along the bridge quickly.
No tears had come since Eilidh had called, I saw no point.
I held onto the strong metal of the bridge and pulled myself up onto the ledge.
Not many people had been walking on the bridge, but the ones that were on there started screaming, realising what I was going to do.
I closed my eyes and blocked out the noise.
I put one foot over the edge but I froze when I heard a voice I knew calling my name.