Brief first person in counters with Sesome Moet
"I, I don't think this is working," The words came out finally, words that had eluded or completely abandoned when I looked at him.
"What is not working?" those strange eyes staring up at me as he plated some food he cooked up. I never really recognized them, and he never told without me asking. His eyes were beautiful, but not too strange it was the emotion behind them. Not vacant, not be wilderment or not grasping a consent, but just as if he were not... Not... Gods I'm bad with words. Well now.
"Us, Sesome. I like you a lot," Oh no he's not looking up at me anymore. Why did I have to say anything? I had to, I meant to days ago.
He isn't saying anything, no questioning, I don't see tears or even misting. Not like I wanted to break his heart, but I just thought, this would be more painful on both. My eyes nervously turn to the giant pit bull on the couch, gray with golden eyes piercing me. I'm not normally scared of dogs, but what if Sesome starts freaking out? Shisa is protective over Seso- Wait, that is irrational. He's just laying there.
"I-i'm moving, I got a job offer in Canada and I had to take it," The words felt so awkward on my tongue, I'm a god damn orator for a large company. Why it this so hard? My eyes are misting, why are mine misting before his? What is wrong with me? It's not like I said I'd marry the guy, we've only been together for what? Two months, sleeping together so much longer. That is different topic.
"I'm happy for you," Sesome with that damned slight smile. The only smile I've seen on his face, a slight twinge of the lips, head slightly tilted. It was a pretty smile, but that is it. It was a mask, he's touching his scar, the one going down his eye. He thinks I don't notice this little tick, but I do. I try not to focus on the large scar going down his eye, or almost none of them- he doesn't like it. Goes still and vacant like I'm one of those monsters who would show off their little-scarred doll. No, I don't leave bruises scattered. I put an end to that, two months ago.
Yeah maybe at first this was about convenience. I didn't want him with anyone else, I didn't like seeing the bruises when I fucked him. Then I liked having him with me a bit more, at work, a gourmet meal in his little apartment. I liked the smell lingering in my bed after I wake up, and him sitting by my bedroom window. I liked it most when I caught him sleeping. I never realized just how human he looked when he was sleeping, how inhuman he came off to me when he was awake.
But now, I was attached. I thought he was attached. The break downs in the kitchen, finding him hiding in the closet, and my little peep hole under that constructed masks, the ones he gave me, I thought they meant he trusted me. But now, I know he never trusted me. I'm just like the others who hurt him, he never let me in. He just can't keep himself together all the time, I just happened to be around when he split up.
He's not good at talking, I have to urge out conversation. As if he lives in a mute world, content with just existing at my side. I guess I liked that too, at first. It made it easy, he was just a pretty, easy, piece of ass. But I thought, I thought this parting would mean something.
When did the table land on the floor? Why am I so close to him, he smells like mint or maybe lemon balm. His skin is so soft, I don't mean to grip it so hard, but he isn't flinching. He's not looking at me either. Head tilted to the side, eyes raised to the left corner of the room, but so far away. I usually didn't care, he did it during sex too. But now I'm crying, fucking crying what has happened to me? What had he done to me? I cheat, I'm possessive, and he doesn't seem to care.
He is pliant even now, not frigid or resisting. Never resisting. But maybe I'm the fool, to think he ever was invested in this. Maybe he is too messed up to get attached to anything, other than that damn dog. Damn it the dog. My eyes slowly look back, he's alert, those golden eyes watching us carefully. If Sesome let out even a single cry, Shisa probably would rip me to shreds.
Wait. Why am I even grabbing him? I let go, looking down at my hands, Sesome walks past me with ease. Picking up the table, the plates placed back on the table.
"We should celebrate," he hummed, turned around with that damn smile. His fingers running through my hair, those little kisses on my neck as his hands are running down my side to my crotch. Something's wrong with him. The bruising is already showing up on his arm. And he is trying to give me a blowjob, trying to coax me to sleep with him. Does he think I'm one of those muscle-heads who throw him around?
But Sesome's mouth feels too good to say no. So I guess his plan works, I wake up in his bed. With memories of fucking him into the bed, hard. Too hard but he'd never say that. Sesome rarely even cared if he got off, and make you forget about him with his roaming fingers and mouth. Those beautiful noises and body all those nasty scars couldn't make him less desirable.
Coffee, french toast, and fruit waiting for me under a platter. A note saying he was taking Shisa for a walk. Even though it is probably fifteen fucking degrees outside, but he won't be coming back to the apartment until I leave.
He's not good with talking.