My Little Actor

Oh those hazel eyes. They would fool me every time. I'd think to myself, 'Those eyes look at me with such unmistakable truth. Why should I be so worried?' But, I should have listened to that little voice inside my head, and all the other voices outside of it.

He was strong. His muscular build would distract me endlessly, and his lips looked so soft, so kissable. Oh, how foolish I was. Kissable, yes, but I wasn't the only one kissing them.

Maybe I should start from the beginning. The is the story of Tony and Lorena. We were very cute together and oh so comfortable, but as I quickly learned, comfortable isn't all that matters. Let's begin with a brief summary of the first summer we spent together.

He lived in Mooresville, Indiana. I lived in Wichita Falls, Texas. I was on the phone with one of my exes, and Tony was at his house. I was arguing with Michael about our relationship, but that's a story for another time.

Tony liked the sound of my personality, so the next day he popped by with Michael for a suprise visit. I was with my best friends Kaitlynn. We were both in our bikinis, and for some reason were very giddy when Tony rode up on his bike.

We both thought he was gorgeous, of course, but deciding who would have him was a harder agreement. In the end, we decided to date him at the same time. We got along with it fine until he broke it off with both of us.

About three days later, he had asked me back out. I asked Kaitlynn if she was fine with it because nothing would ever come between our friendship. She said yes, and Tony and I were at it again.

I left for Canada that summer and our relationship ended there. He'd be back in Indiana by the time I got back. That was what he said, but the day before he left to go home, he stopped by my house for a suprise goodbye. I can still remember exactly what he was wearing, but that description makes this story less brief. So let's move on.

He wasn't supposed to come down the next summer, but he did. He tried to ride his bike to my house as soon as he got there, but I was at my dad's. I talked to him over myspace, and he came over to my dad's house.

It was a little akward because my younger sister wouldn't leave, but that wasn't the only reason why. There was a kind a feeling in the air; like something was going unsaid. Nothing was ever said, but we worked past all the awkwardness.

After I went back to my mom's, we were inseprable. He was at my house from when he woke up to dusk. Those nights were just the blind glow of new love.

Yes, he said he loved me, and that he always had. I loved him in return, but I always felt like my love was stronger and more pure. Now I know it most definitely was.

He had said that we would be together after he moved down, but that didn't turn out so well. Again, I couldn't see the lies behing those hazel eyes.

While we were together, we would kiss. I would feel his skin against mine. The sweet heat of his skin, and the smell of his attire was irresistable. Everytime our lips touched, a fire would grow in my heart. The tighter he held me, the hotter it got. It grew and grew until it all but consumed me.

When he let go of me, a magnetic force seemed to need to pull him back. That pull, those butterflies, this new love was all so sweet, but somewhere inside me I knew something bad was coming.

We went on like this. Hand-in-hand, lying on his chest, whispering 'I love you' to eachother, but it didn't last.

I had to go to Canada again, and he had to go to Indiana to get his things. Just like last time, he was there while I left, more or less.

When I got on the plane, he was on his way back to Wichita Falls. The deja vu of last year didn't help eb the feeling that something bad was happening. That feeling was dead right, but I had no clue.

While he was in Indiana, he had sex with a girl named Kierstyn five times in three days. I found up about this form him the day after I got back from Cananda. I asked myself, 'How could he love me and do this? He doesn't seem to care at all.'

I was right. He didn't care. I had written out a letter that I was going to give him, but I never did. His status on Facebook told me all I needed to know.

He was with someone else. He had another girl.

I braced myself for the oncoming tears. I leaned up against the wall as the first few made their way down my cheeks. My body rocked with the sobs. I knife had peirced my heart, and I was unable to removed it. So it just continued to do damage.

Hours I cried, and nights after that as well. That same empty feeling would consume me. A hallow chest, my throbbing pulse, the endless tears. It just wouldn't stop.

Finally I decided to talk to Felicia. She was one of my very best friends, and she always knew what to do. She had helped me through all my hard times, and she gave me the best advice.

As always, she helped me see the brighter side, and she managed to even make me laugh. I could never keep a frown around her. She helped me see that I wasn't at fault. She told me that I deserved better than him.

Eventually I sent Tony a message. It had nothing but truth, but it also had anger, a guilt trip, and the little tenderness underneath all that. All this just seemed to slide right off his shoulders. He never messaged me back, and I began to wonder.

What kind of guy is he? This is a completely different side of him that I've never seen. It's like I was in love with a stranger.

I talked to more friends and heard even more disturbing news. Apparently he had sex with another girl named Baylee Null, and they were datind and had been dating the entire time he was down here.

So I braced myself for more aching sobs, but this time they didn't come. This time a full-fledged, flaming anger filled my body. I held onto that. I put all the pain behind me, and held on to that wonderous anger.

I talked to Kaitlynn yet again, and she completely chewed his butt out. She yelled with an anger that would have made the mountauns shake, but it seemed to blow right past him.

I had never heard him sound so uncaring, never heard him be so cruel, but that's what it was. He wasn't the same guy that I fell in love with. He was a liar, and a player. He cheated and broke hearts, and it had taken me way to long to figure that out.

So that was it. I deleted him from my myspace and facebook. The only thing I saved was that letter that he'd never read. I still plan to show him one day, but I have no idea when.

He was one of the best actors I've ever seen. I applauded him; thought he should be on tv. I was amazed by how long he had had me fooled. Never again, I thought. I won't fall for that again.

So thanks to truth, friends, and a little bit of burning anger, I survived. To this day, I still feel some pain. I still lie awake some nights thinking about him, but I know it was for the best to erase him from my life.

Granted, I didn't date for a while after that, but I still had fun. I couldn't let one out keep me from playing the game, but it did make me more cautious.

With every strike that knocks me down, I get stronger. As long as it doesnt' kill me, as long as it doesn't keep me down, it only makes me stronger.

The End

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