I awoke with my cheek pressed to the cold tile of my bathroom floor. I glanced around the room, disoriented. Why had I been asleep in my bathroom? Then, I saw a glint of metallic silver on the floor, and my memories flooded through my mind like a tsunami. I looked down at my arms and gasped. I had one gash across my forearm, and it was throbbing with each pulse of my heart. I looked at the floor and saw it dotted with blood.
Then, I was overwhelmed with shame. Why had I done that!? I had promised myself that I wouldn't ever do it, no matter how hard life got! What if dad found ou- Oh. That's right.
I don't have a dad anymore.
I stood and slowly rotated my shoulders, trying to ease away my mental suffering by focusing on my physical pain. I walked to my room and rifled through my tiny closet until I found a long sleeved shirt. I quickly cut some holes in the sleeves so I could hide my newest secret.
As I pulled it over my head, I sang softly to myself "Pain, pain go away," just like I used to when I was a kid and fell off my bike.
I walked down the steps to my kitchen and thought solemnly, It's not the cutting itself that scares me, it's the fact that I enjoyed it.