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-Oh bugger.
 -What?
 -Move your leg, Dave.
 -Um, I can't.
 -We're stuck in quicksand, Dave.
 *@^&.
 -Not now Dave.
 What's more, Dave and gender-unspecific 'friend' Maurice could see the raging forest fire streaming towards them.

-How the hell are we going to get out of this?
 -If we don't move soon we'll be burned by that fire. Or we'll drown in this quicksand.
 -We're not sinking particularly quickly.
 -No, you're right.
 -I'm always right.
 -Shut up Dave.
 -Maybe we could grab hold of a tree branch or something that could let us drag ourselves out of here.
 They reached up towards the branches above them, but the fire came too soon, and all that was left were a pair of charred skeletons reaching for the charred twigs above.

 Dental records proved that Maurice was not a man.

The real protagonist here is the firemature

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