My form tutor is halfway through her daily speech when I walk in, ten minutes late.
"... just like most people don't have a valid reason for being late, whereas a limited few do..." is what I hear of it before deciding to go cloth-ear and sneak to my seat.
Ellie May grins at me knowingly.
"What have you found out?" I ask, pretending to sound bored.
"Oh my goshness!" she squeals. "Y'know the Treats? Well, Vanilla goes out with Vicky and Fudge goes out with Jane, but but but, I found out that Treacle fancies you! And and and...!" Ellie May pauses for effect "Cookie asked me out!"
"Oh my gosh, now way! What did you say!?" I exclaim.
All right, let me explain. It's quite a complicated matter when it comes to mine and Ellie May's view of the world. Here's the simple version of Ellie May's speech.
The Treats - boys we fancy or think are fit.
Vanilla - Evan Lint. Average height, amazingly fit (in both ways), messy black hair (which was blonde, and which should've stayed that way). Really sweet guy, but never gives us a second glance unless he has to.
Fudge - Lucas Sinders. The closest we can find to tall, tan and handsome. He lives up to it. He's quite tall, I wouldn't say really tall, but still tall (unfortunately, to tall for us, as we're kinda on the short side). Tan skin. Oh my gosh his skin looks awesome! HIS HAIR IS CURLY! What more can we ask?
Treacle - Matthew Green. Boy who I fancy (or, as Ellie May likes to tell me, "Dudei-ified you"). He's not what you'd call 'fit'. But I like him a lot and he's cute. He's exactly the same height as me. His hair is just a shade lighter then mine, and it's short and fluffy. His eyes are greenish-blue (no, they are not turquoise, even though Ellie May says they are!) and he has the cutest smile you could imagine.
Cookie - Samuel (SamuEL) Smith. "Dude" who Ellie May fancies. He has blonde hair (which he gels into a mess for some unfathomable reason) and brown eyes (which Ellie May has into her head are hazel, even though they're brown). He's just slightly taller than Ellie May and he's really hug-able (knowing that doesn't make me special, as he hugs everyone). He's really sweet, though, which is always a good thing.
Vicky - Victoria Hadwell. Slut-arama. Nothing more to say.
Jane - Jane McAdams. Black shoes, black socks, black trousers, black shirt, black jacket, black eyes (including huge dark circles under them), black hair. She's either a goth or an emo. We haven't decided yet.
Anyway, back to the matter at hand.
"I said that I'd think about it, but I gave him the fluttery eyelash thing." Ellie May answers. "I wanted to tell you first!"
"Wow. You are an absolute genius. Oh, the guy I fancy just asked me out, but I'm not gonna give him a straight answer because I want to tell my best friend who knows that I fancy him." I give her a 'look'.
"Ah. I see." she returns my 'look'. "Anyway, what d'you think about Treacle fancying you? "
"I think that it's a load of crap" I tell her. "You probably found it out from someone who heard it from someone off MSN who heard it from Facebook."
"Nope. But your right. I should never believe people who I can't trust to tell me the truth. Even if they do tell me in person and not over the internet." she says solemnly.
I grin at her. "OK, so who did tell you. 'Cause it wasn't Treacle."
"No," she says, "It wasn't Treacle. It was Matthew Green."
"Matthew Green indeed, it was never h- wait! The Matthew topic-of-many-a-conversation Green?"
"Yup," Ellie May's face is so bright that I know she can't be lying. I shake my head anyway.
See how we switch from code-names to names when it comes to important matters like that? Obviously, we both know that Matthew Green and Treacle are the same person. Our imaginations, however, don't.