The StoopMature

There we were, upon Eonan's front porch sharing swigs of whiskey and smoking our cigarettes likes fiends.  My pack is near finished and I couldn't believe it. How long had it been? Nigh on an hour or so and I had nothing but two fags and only a quarter of my whiskey left. I guess I went a little over-board but who could blame me? It's fucking summer and I'm finally fucking home. I'll go out and buy another pack once this ones done.

"So here we are bud.", Eonan smiled. "What now?".

"Not quite sure", I pondered. "Any parties or anything?"

"Not that I know of, see today isn't our first day of summer so the parties for the occasion seem to be long gone. I suppose we could throw one at my loft if we really wished to do so."

"I kinda want to see Skye." I uttered as I began to think about her beautiful face. It was so alluring and I couldn't help but smile at the thought of it. Her hair was so suave and flowed in the wind like the branches of trees. It was a beautiful copper that nearly matched my own, and as we walked down the streets of Edinburgh together people took notice of how well we matched. 

"Understandable.", Eonan's face grew a grimace. "She'll be here soon.". I sat puzzled with thoughts of what he just said.

"What do you mean?" I questioned. He simply laughed at my question.

"Lad, you honestly think you can come to my flat and not expect her to come by?"

"Well how does she know?"

"A little birdie told her.", he said as he continued to suck on the bottle like a baby suckling on his mothers breast.

"A little birdie called Eonan?", I laughed. "Thanks mate."

"Don't mention it." 

We continued to sit there, exchanging thoughts of our interest. We were each fairly intelligent, no matter how Eonan saw it. I tended to not befriend people who I considered stupid. Therefore, Eonan had a bit of brains in him. He may not be the smartest bulb in the bunch but he could hold a relatively intelligent conversation and that's really all that mattered to me.

"Well I kind of understand why you see it that way, but the fact of the matter is that he's nothing but a jackass." I uttered.

"Fuck him then!", Eonan shouted back.

"Did you know 'fuck' is the most versatile word in the English language?"

"How so?"

"Well, first of all fuck can be used as pretty much any part of speech except and article and preposition. It can technically be used as every word in a sentence. For example: Fuck fucking fuckers, try doing that with any other word. And last but not least, it's the only word that can be injected into the middle of another word. Congradu-fucking-lations.". Eonan sat there puzzled, muttering words to himself.

"Congradu-shitting....Congradu-cunting....Damn mate you're right here."

"Right? We should celebrate the word more often."

"Damn right! Er...Fuck Right" Eonan cheered.

"Fuck yeah!"


"Fucking fuck!"

"Ayo, fuck fuck fuck fuck the fucking fuckers!"

"Fucking fuck!"

"Having a good time?", a kind voice of a lass giggled behind us. I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was. 

The End

3 comments about this story Feed