Zombie Revenge

    Not very far. With terrifying zombie strength the zombie girl grabbed a hold of my collar. It was give in or be choked. She turned me around as easily as if I was the ice-cream sculpting toddler and plucked the tub from out of my hands.

    "Ours I think," she said mushily. "Discrimination I call it. Thinkin he can make off with our ice-cream jus cos we're different! I should rend him limb from limb."

    "Now Sal," the guy zombie warned. "That's yielding to popular myth." He glared at me. "A prejudiced, thieving, stupid-looking kid is all he is! Jus ignore him."

    "Yeah," Sal agreed, tossing back her head. A clump of her hair fell out and she replaced it with great dignity, the remains of her nose high in the air. "We was here first! We don't have to take that attitude."

    "Yeah," the guy said to me. "You goin to give more attitude or what?" He looked like he hoped the answer might be a yes. His red zombie eyes fixed me, afire with righteous indignation. The effect was spoiled by him taking out a roll of tape from a pocket and tearing off a strip to fix his nose back on.

    "You got it crooked there," Sal told him. "I'll give you a hand." She turned and did a double-take at me in a meaningful kind of way. "You still here?"

    "No," I managed to say. I backed away to the boxed cereals and took a few deep breaths. Zombies buying ice-cream! Why ice-cream? Was it the new brains substitute? Zombies buying anything at all was weird enough. Hadn't anyone else noticed? Was it just me who thought it was strange? No one seemed to be paying them any attention at all.

    Oh well, I thought, this is the City. Live and let live and all that. Least they didn't try sucking out my brain. What's with that? Was my brain sub-standard? I started to feel kind of annoyed they hadn't even tried it. Didn't they know how to act like zombies? If we were going to have zombies now they should at least have the decency to behave in the true zombie way, right? It was probably some ancient calling or something. If they were going to start acting like regular people instead of skulking round graveyards groaning and lurching, how were we going to know what to expect?

    I went and paid for the card, trying to keep my head down out of the way of a reporter who came in with a camera-man. They were taking pictures of the zombie couple. Can't you just picture it? JUST LIKE YOU AND ME! Sallyann Zombie (aged 25 - deceased)  and Rob Zombie (aged 28 - deceased) today applied for a special license to get wed. "We're just like everybody else," Sallyann told us. "We just put a deposit down on a cute little crypt. All we want is to be left alone to get on with our deaths, you know?" We caught up with them at a Hendry's, where they were buying ice-cream and wafers for their wedding party...

    I left the store, my head still spinning. I hoped Nat would like the card. We shared a bath together once, back when we were very small. That makes a bond. I just wished we could bond in other ways, you know?

    My stupid-looking face is what gets in the way. Nat likes these big, older guys who go about the place like they're doing you a favor just by being there. They turn out to be jerks, of course they do, and then she ends up crying on my shoulder.

    Just then, as I was nearing the crossing...

The End

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