Write something? Interesting. I haven't had a strong impetus to write in months. I've spent the past five months enjoying my life and not really thinking about self-expression.
Interesting. I used to be so overtly obsessed with introspection. Don't get me wrong, I still prefer being an introvert. But the degree to which I observe my inner self has declined a significant amount. Why? I think it has to do with one simple word: Independence. A good synonym would be Freedom.
Independence is such a powerful word, it entails so much. I admire it. It's a gorgeous collection of invulnerability, strength and self-reliance. Invulnerable is another good word too.
For a man (or woman) who has never truly experienced independence, it is a wonderful thing. The sense of power that one has over his own life and emotions is an unbeatable feeling.
Being new to this whole independence thing, I've begun to question many beliefs and principles I once held close to my heart.
What is love? Is it a distraction? Is it even necessary? Why should I have to put up with someone else being so close to me? What's the point of taking such a risk? If I can sustain myself, why should I have a significant other?
Keep in mind that I am simply asking the questions. Independence has not warped me into a heartless robot, but I am very curious about these things. Whether these questions will alter my reality, I do not know. The idea of being perpetually self-reliant is indeed very appealing, but I feel there is more information missing. More puzzle pieces need to be found and put into place before I can answer these questions.
Being the dependent the person I used to be, I would ask myself what I would do if I were ever to become independent. I thought it was just a fantasy; I never dreamed that I would become independent, especially at this age.
I've noticed a spike in my interest on the topic of sexism. I've been asking myself many questions on my opinion of women. I never really thought about it before, because I was always so reliant on them. Are all women selfish and spontaneous? Are all women illogical? Are they all attention-driven? Do they have any good motives for relationships? Do they bring men down?
Again, I'm just asking the questions. I think it will be many more months before any of these questions come to a fruitful conclusion.
There is one thing that leverages all these anti-relationship curiosities. One small fact that drives me to keep searching for puzzle pieces. The fact is as follows:
My independence is a result of love.