Good evening, ladies and I must say, Olius, is that an air of patchouli I catch about you? Very you. You can imagine you won't be caught with me at the Winchester any time until we shop for a suitable scent. But, hey it works for radio and pretending you're Jim Morrison. Good job, Olius Thanks, now, run along now.
I can imagine only the most beautiful are out there listenning, and you know who are. For the rest of you, "Extreme Makeover" is airing on TLC in fifteen minutes. Please tune out of my show until you've maintained a suitable standard.
I am, as you've guessed by the saltpeter and charcoal undertones of my whiskey voice, Mr. Moonlight. As you know Mr. Moonlight doesn't bother with his own controls. Tonight at my side is a mixture of champagne fizz, moonlit tantra and porn star pony tails, Miss Melanie Reilly. I know that there are some swooners and some crooners and some sweeping shadows of pure gorgeous out there waiting to call in for a dedication to me.
So, without further ado, ladies, and I'm sure a few gentlemen who just can't hold it in stride, waiting to begin....
(right there, Kitten,let's keep our eyes on the controls...red button)
(barely audible) Right there kitten, red button on the left, keep your right hand doing exactly what it's meant to do. That's right.
An acoustic rendition of Sex Bomb by Tom Jones fades in
Welcome, oozing ladies to the testosterone and musk you've come to call Moonlight Dedications
A voice off microphone is shrill and perky: The phone's ringing!
All right, sweetcheeks, your job is to look pretty so let's not ruin that by talking. We have our first caller. Hello there, pretty angel with eyes that would sink a battleship. You are talking to Mr. Moonlight. I understand you couldn't sleep until I heard your song.
Audio off of phone line 1: Oooh, Mr. moonlight, this is Roxy, my sisters Ginger and Candy I are all here.
Sounds like a great way to get a party started. You bring the champagne and I got the bubbles, lovechunks.
Audio off of phone line 1: (giggling, sighing) Well, we're flight attendants and triplets and we've got a song we'd like to dedicate.
And apparently there's a song Mr. Mooonlight would love to hear. Excuse me.
(barely audible): Is there any reason I'm not looking at the back of your head?
(barely audible): giggling, sound of a zipper
Anhow, Roxy, Ginger and Candy, my swedish buffett, what song would you like Mr. Moonlight to hear to send his heart a little flitter, a little flutter and whole lot of the aching for you?
Audio of phone line 1: I'd do everything for love
By Meatloaf? Listen sugarcakes, Mr. moonlight doesn't associate with long haired greasers, that doesn't mean that I don't hold your hearts in a teflon pan, it just means, babydoll, that it sounds like you just don't do that. And Mr. Moonlight likes to do that.
So, without further ado, thanks for the dedication, my flighty lovers from beyond the skies, from Roxy, Ginger and their sister Candy...
(barely audible): Press play, honey, it's just like your CD player at home
A voice off microphone is shrill and perky: But I've got an mp3 player!
CUT TO: Let's get it on by Marvin Gaye
Behind the scenes the producer comes charging in. What? That's not what they dedicated. We HAVE the Meatloaf song.
Right, but Mr. Moonlight dedicates this to his ex-wife, Maria. Baby, I miss ya, gimme a call. Remember our first dance? Your Uncle Morty thought I was so funny. I told him about that time....
What's going on here, producer man? A commercial? For AXE body spray of all things? Smells like turpentine with just a hint of neanderthal frat boy. Mr. Moonlight says, "let's fill up the sky with you and I." Kitten? Get back here, satin-wings
A voice off microphone is shrill and panicked: I think they want us to leave, Ernie!
STATION PTAG190 IS CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES AND APOLOGIZES FOR ANY CONVENIENCE THIS MAY CAUSE. WE WILL RETURN SHORTLY WITH OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING.
sound cue: (crickets)
Producer: look, buddy, I'm not sure what you're up to, but the late night Doc hasn't shown up to give his advice to seniors. So, figure it out