The Little Farm Shop of Horror

Well hello there, neighbour. My name is Jerkinski, Justin Jerkinski. Put it there friend... Uh I guess you're not one to shake hands.

Sorry, I've just been weeding my produce, and some of those weeds are caustic.

You mean the weeds could burn your skin? What kind of weeds are they?

They are the weeds of hopeless sorrow that burns your soul forever...

Sorry, I didn't quite catch that, Mister...

Soulmaster.

That's an unusual name, anyway, I didn't quite hear what you said before.

It's not important. What can I do for you,  Mr.Jerkinski?

Well, my neighbours on the other side mentioned that there was a brand new farm shop along our lane, here. I thought I'd take a look for myself.

Go ahead, I keep adding product every day.

Product? Don't you mean produce? You are a farm shop.

Product, produce.. a moot point. Whatever you buy will leave a lasting impression on you.

You are a strange one, Mr. Soulmaster.

Thank You.

Hello Stella, hello Stan. That's quite a pet carrier you've got there. Stainless steel, hmm. What's in it? By the growling, it sounds vicious.

Goose egg. Stella's idea. I'm bringing this one back. I don't know what else to do with it.

Well I'm sorry sir, but I have a no return policy.

I don't want my money back, I just want to get rid of it! It ate everything in the fridge, including the jars and bottles and stuff!

Easy there, no reason to get so upset. Where are the other goose eggs I sold you, ma'am?

This .. this.. thing ate them! Stan stupidly picked it up with the dustpan and threw it back in the fridge. There was a lot of banging and growling, then several high pitched screams! When I opened the door a crack, there was nothing left in there except this... thing!

That's right, even the vegetable crispers and metal dividers were gone. Stella went out to the garage to get this live animal trap that we use to get the porcupine out of our back yard, then I picked it up with a shovel, and threw it in.

You should not have fed it, sir.

I didn't have a lot of choice, it fed itself! Look mister, I don't care what you do with it, but I'm leaving it here! Come on Stella, we have to get groceries.. and fridge dividers.

I've never seen Stan so upset! What is that thing in there, Mr. Soulmaster?

A goose egg, as I told the woman, it's just not your usual kind of goose, that's all.

That's the understatement of the year. It sounds like it's eating the cage.

It will sleep presently. Were you interested in buying anything Mr. Jerkinski? If not, I must return to my weeding.

Well, just let me take a look around, I just got here. You've got some more customers anyway. Hi. Ellen Hi Tony.

Hi Justin. Can you excuse me for a moment, please?  I have to have a word with  Soulmaster here.

Sure, go ahead. I'll join Ellen over by those potted plants.

I want to bring back these flowers that I bought here last week.I can't get rid of them! I threw them in the garbage, Ellen fished them out. I chopped them up and buried them, and they were right back in their vase before I even got back to the house.

What seems to be the problem with them?

They're doing something to my wife. She's always carrying one or two of them around with her. She used to be full of life and energy, now she's listless, doesn't want to do anything but stroke those flowers.

What makes you think these flowers have anything to do with your wife's health?

I took her to the doctor, and he says that she's anaemic. I tried to take the flower she was holding away from her, and she wouldn't let go. I grabbed it, and it attached itself to my hand. There was a sharp pain like a needle, so I threw down the flower, it was covered in blood. My blood! That thing is a blood sucker! I want you to get rid of it!

The flowers probably just have thorns.

Daisies don't have thorns! Come on Ellen, we're going home. Let go of that plant!

Suit yourself.

Justine, will you help me get this plant away from her? I'll give you a ride home. We'll put her in the middle so she doesn't jump out.

Ah, another victim..er.. customer. Hello sir, how can I help you?

I'm bringing back these daffodil bulbs. They overran my garden. They actually ate all my other flowers! My entire back yard is full of daffodils. I'm bringing the original bulbs back, and I burned off the rest of them in my garden. Theses ones won't burn!

Just leave them here, then. Why don't you just throw them in that stainless steel box?

Fine. Hey, there's something in here.. the door won't close.. aaaaaaa!!!!

One more dissatisfied customer taken care of.

The End

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