Samantha sat at the bottom of her bed staring into her closet. Silent tears rolled from her cheeks down to her neck making her itchy. She didn't let herself cry often, sometimes she couldn't control it though. She didn't know where her tears where coming from but she knew that it was Inevitable. So she just stared and cried. she thought of nothing in particular, which meant she thought of everything. Anything. She heard a knock on her bedroom door.
"Sam honey? Didn't you hear me ? It's time for dinner. " It was her mother. Standing up in haste, Samatha gently cleared her throat. She immidiatly changed her demeanor as if her mother could see through her door.
"I'm starving!" She lied cheerfully. With a little laugh She added "I haven't even looked at the time! I've been working on this essay. It's driving me crazy." She wiped her eyes and her cheeks and neck. She finger combed her black hair and stared into her gray eyes. She looked fine minus the red puffiness of her eyes.
"We're having tacos! " Mrs. Greene said with genuine excitement.
" God! I love tacos!" Smantha enthused as she swung the door open and attempted to brush pass her mother.
"Sam were you crying in there?" Her mother asked in confusion. Sam had assumed she could somehow avoid the questions. Though She had an answer for everything .
" Of course I was crying, I have to write a ten page essay and it's worth 30 percent of my final grade. I'm stressed out. " she lied. She wasn't stressed out. She had finished that essay two days after it was assigned. It didn't matter anyway. She had already been excepted Portland State. The school year would be done in four weeks, she had excellent grades as it was. But she had to lie. She had gotten good at it. It almost seemed as if she was telling the truth, so much so that she even believed it was that simple. It had to be that simple though, compared to the alternative. What was she gonna say?
' You know mom? I have this heavy weight sitting on my chest at all times. For no reason. I feel the need to scream and scream and scream, in hopes that it will somehow leave my body through my throat. Despite the heaviness sitting on my chest I still feel incredibly empty. Sometimes, when I've held in the screams to long I cry. Involuntarily. Though I do feel slightly better afterwards. So yeah, that's what's going on with me. Did you say tacos ?'
Of course she couldn't say that. She had always had a great life and a great family. How would she make them feel if she told them that she often wished to be in a fatal car crash on the way home or to be suddenly stuck with a terminal illness ? She couldn't, and she never would.
"Oh I've told you not to stress about these things. You're done sweetheart. Relax." Her mother kissed her cheek and began walking down the stairs with her in tow.
"You're right of course." she said as they stepped into the Dining room. She looked around the table at everyone. Dylan and Demi her 15 year old twin brother and sister were Both staring at there phones. Her dad was looking at her curiously, but his confused face was soon replaced with a warm smile.
"Samatha Blue, how do you do ? " she laughed at her dad. He had always said that to Her. Their last name was Greene, but when Samatha was in kindergarden she told everyone it was Blue.
"Just fine Daddy Blue, just some stress over an essay." She told her dad.
"Well take it easy kid, don't push yourself too hard. " he said the way only he could. With a soft Sternness.
Her mother began sitting dishes in the table. Chicken and steak, goucomaole and cheese. Sour cream and a few other things.
" Now cut those things off! Dinner is on the table." her mom said sitting down and pointing at the twins. Who had only looked up when they felt the heat of food touch their faces. They put their phones away and smiled Like angels at their mom.
"Hey Sammy !" They said in unison, realizing she was there.
"Hey Pigeons " she teased, knowing they hated it but loving theor signiture eye roll and smirk. She called them that because when they were babies she would throw bits of bread at the floor and they would always scramble to eat them. They reminded her of pigeons.
Everyone began to make their tacos and talk animatedly about their day. Demi and Dylan went into this story about how they saw a man streak across the park naked today with a dog chasing him. Her parents laughed and asked a million follow up questions . Samantha laughed too. It was funny. Though She still felt the heaviness in her chest as she looked around at her laughing family . Squinted eyes and tears joy running down their cheeks. Dylans hangs flying about animatedly. Her moms hands slapping the table while she doubled over in laughter. She thought they were beautiful. All dark haired and bright eyes. She would always try to be happy for them. Even if she felt like she was suffocating.