I'm not fat.

Well, actually I am. That sentence above is a reflex. The word, 'fat'. It's one of the most vulgar words I know. But that doesn't mean I can't change it. The word, I mean. I make fat look good. Yeah, that's right. My name is Kysha Livingston, my skin is silkier than chocolate on velvet, and my bathroom scale shows 191 pounds. Even in my Louboutin pumps (okay, so I bought them on Ebay), I can walk circles around all those skinny white girls who all wish they had what I got goin' on.  

The truth is, I don't care if my arms are flabby and my thighs jiggle when I sit. I don't care if my breasts get in the way when I'm trying to tie my shoes. It's not something I have to cope with, it's who I am.

I'm not about to try to starve myself. I try to eat a good balance, though perhaps I could cut back on the fast food a smidge. Can I help it if I think KFC gravy is heaven in a bowl? And it's not like I can't move. People are usually surprised how fast I am, and how smooth my moves are. They just assume that because there's a bit more of me, that I should be handicapped or something.

"Weight Loss" is the magic phrase in this world. All the diets, the machines, the substitutes, the surgeries - they've all been tried. It's like an addiction, losing pounds. The high you get when the scale gives you a lower number, it's exhilarating. You suddenly feel beautiful and confident, and you just know you're going to reach your goal of losing fifty pounds. And then the next day you find you've gained it all back and tacked on a couple extra. The low you feel at this moment, it's like hitting rock bottom and then turning to soup and sinking between the rocks to hit whatever lies beneath them. It qualifies as an official heartbreak in my book. And I'm done trying to make myself be something that I'm not. Life is too short to spend the whole time hating yourself.  

I'm here to tell the world that it is not only okay to be larger than life, but it's hot. As long as you're trying to be healthy of course.

"Miss, I'm afraid these jeans don't come in a bigger size."

And I'm also here to tell designers to start making jeans that fit real people...

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Kysha Livingston - sassy girl who is proud of her rounded edges.

Emma Herrin - sweet, healthy girl under too much pressure.

updated May 27 '10 by Larina