Jealously is a disgusting emotion and it can cause irreparable damage, but in my case it wasn’t just irreparable it was fatal.
I wish that I hadn’t allowed the green eyed monster to get the better of me that night, if I had ignored the distorted Chinese whispers which had been let loose to wreak havoc in my love life then he would still be here.
The prom meal had gone extremely well that evening, everything was delicious and everyone was too full to move for the first half an hour afterwards, and remained in their seats sipping Champagne from their glasses and just celebrating the completion of college and a start of a new chapter in their lives.
I had much to celebrate, for one thing Joshua and I had been dating for exactly one year and he had proposed to me, the ring shimmered beautifully on my hand, going perfectly with my prom attire.
For another thing I had gotten a conditional from my top choice university; all I needed to do now was get the grades I needed, which I was almost guaranteed to get anyway.
“To the future, and what wonders it will bring” I had said smiling tapping my Champagne glass against Joshua’s and Rachel’s and taking a sip.
It’s funny how many things that we borrow from the Americans, from words to events and prom is no different. The year 13s had organized awards which were to be given out after the meal, for example most likely to be famous, biggest slag and most important of all Prom King and Queen!
I had been chatting to Rachel earlier that night about who she thought would be prom king and queen and she wasn’t too sure. My thoughts was that it was most likely going to be one of the more popular students for example Elsie, so it was a huge surprise when Joshua was made Prom King and Hannah was made Prom Queen.
I have much respect for Hannah and I didn’t think that I was the clingy girlfriend who thought any other girl Joshua spoke to was a threat but surprisingly when it was announced that Hannah was prom queen, it made me feel sick to my stomach – especially when everyone started chanting “Kiss her, Kiss her” and he did.
Whether he kissed her out of politeness or not his expression seemed to show that he enjoyed the kiss far more than he should of.
Joshua had plonked himself back into his seat next to me beaming with happiness. I forced a smile to make it seem that the whole Prom King and Queen thing hadn’t annoyed me somewhat; however the fact of the matter was it had.
It is surprising how love can make you feel and what irrational things it can make you do or think, if I could go back and tell myself to stop being so silly and ignore the nagging feeling that Joshua and Hannah may still ‘have feelings’ for each other then I most certainly would.
If there is one thing that I didn’t like about Joshua it would have been his addiction to smoking, halfway through prom he left the dance floor and made his way outside to have a sneaky cigarette. I had stayed with Rachel, dancing like idiots in the middle of the crowd of slightly drunk teenagers who were dancing too. However it had become apparent that after a good half an hour Joshua still wasn’t back and what’s more Hannah wasn’t around either.
Whispers filled the room as people also started to notice the absence of both the prom king and queen, some people called out things like, “I bet they have gone for a sneaky make out session.” It must have been the alcohol going to my head but this gave me a real sense of urgency to find Joshua and reassure myself that he would never cheat.
I found both Joshua and Hannah sat on a bench outside, Hannah’s head resting lovingly on Joshua’s shoulder, and his arm snaked around her, pulling her closer into him.
Rage bubbled through me at the sight of this and stepping from out of the buildings shadow I snarled, “Well this looks cosy”
Joshua instantly retracted his arm from Hannah and jumped to his feet,
“This isn’t what you think” he had insisted taking a step towards me.
I flinched and moved back, tear had welled in my eyes, and people had appeared in the doorway to watch the drama that was inevitably about the kick off.
“Well what was it then?” I had demanded looking into Joshua’s eyes.
“Let’s go somewhere more..." he looked at the crowd of people who had emerged from the building to watch.”...Private and I’ll tell you” he gestured for us to walk towards the road, away from earshot. I nodded.
When we were well out of earshot from everyone else, who were just all so nosy to mind their own business, I turned to look at Joshua.
“Okay explain” I said crossing my arms.
He took several deep breaths then began, “I have known Hannah for a very long time and she has been having a very hard time of it lately and needed someone to talk to, there is nothing going on between us I swear to you” I stopped and waited for me to talk.
It must have been the adrenaline from thinking that Joshua was cheating on me, or the image of Joshua kissing Hannah in front of everyone in year 13, but for some strange reason I didn’t think that Joshua was being completely truthful with me.
“You’re lying to me” I muttered.
He shook his head indignantly at this and went to grab hold of my hands and it all happened so fast. I jerked my hands out his grasp and I don’t know whether I pushed him in anger or he stumbled, but nevertheless he fell into the road, straight into the path of an oncoming car.
I had felt my heart shatter the moment I had ran up to him lying face down in the road and realized the impact of the car had killed him instantly.