Star Wars: A Newer Hope Casting CallMature

 

“We’re like the goddang breakfast club!” Roland, the gunslinger said.

“What exactly brings us together?” Buffy the vampire slayer, who absolutely refused to wear a bra, asked.

Distracted by the aforementioned missing brassiere, the three men at the table were startled when Buffy let out a war cry and slammed her fists on the table. “Men,” she said under her breath.

“We’re here because there’s a job that needs to be done,” Scott, the teen wolf, explained. “And it’s gonna take a little teamwork.”

“If teamwork, it requires,” Master Yoda finally chimed in. “Then teamwork, wemust have.”

“Do you always have to speak like that, my little hombre?” Roland asked.

With a sarcastic glint in his eyes, Master Yoda said, “A box of chocolates, life is like. Which one you’re gonna get, you never know.”

Jesus sat down at the table.

“You’re late,” Scott admonished. “Gentlemen and lady, we’re here because the galaxy needs us. All the other heroes have fallen. Darth Supremis must be stopped. We are the only hope.”

“I think it’d be helpful,” Scott explained, “if we all knew exactly what each of us brings to the table. If you haven’t noticed, I’m a werewolf. So, werewolf, vampire slayer, gunslinger, Jedi Master, and … Jesus, I feel bad asking, but what exactlycan you do?”

“Nobody else had to audition,” Jesus observed, transforming water into wine.

Yoda snatched a glass, quaffing it in one gulp, “Mmm… Tasty, it is.”

“No offense, but,” Buffy said, “unless we’re planning on throwing a kegger, that won’t do us any good.”

Jesus multiplied the food on the table.

“I say he comes with us,” Roland remarked, reaching for a sandwich. “This popkin looks tasty.”

“Any other talents?” Scott asked.

“Well, I can’t be killed.”

Technically, that isn’t true,” Buffy replied.

“Okay, fine.” Jesus said, a bit agitated, “if you wanna get into semantics, I canresurrect myself when I’m killed.”

The drunken Jedi Master admitted, “Razzing you, we were. Late again, do not be.”

“I knew that,” Jesus said, relieved.

The End

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