SplitMature

    The pink apron looked out of place on his slim fame. His ominous looking face and pale skin made the frilly pink apron look like a sick joke. True, some of the lace was singed in a few places, but that could hardly be helped. He wasn't the greatest cook, but he always felt as though the food tasted better when he wore the apron.

    It was a gift from Tess.

    To this day Johannes Maxwell Christof did not know why Tesla (or he had nicknamed her, Tess) had given him the apron. He supposed that she had found it at a garage sale and immediately thought it would spruce up his appearance while cooking, or that it would make his dingy apartment look more like a home (as opposed to a roach motel). But these were only guesses. Johannes could never really be sure what was inside Tess's head, just like everybody Johannes had met couldn't be sure what lurked in his.

    His green and brown eyes stared at the burned egg on the frying pan. Apron or not, the egg could hardly be considered edible. No apron of any color could give Johannes the ability to cook his own breakfast...but nevertheless, every morning at 7:30 he would give it a shot. Today's breakfast consisted not only of the egg (or what was once an egg...) but a piece of moldy bread that was posing as a fire hazard in the toaster. Smoke was rising from throughout the kitchen, threatening to set the smoke detector off.

    The freakin' breakfast is burning! You moron! Turn off the stove! I actually want to be able to EAT breakfast before the fire department shows up!

    "Shut up Johnny." Johannes muttered.

    Johnny pushed Johannes out of the way and took control of the stove. The egg was firmly cemented to the frying pan, but somehow with the help of a heavy-duty spatula, Johnny pried it off and put it on a plate. The toast was beyond saving, so he threw it on the counter...along with about six other pieces of toast from other breakfasts.

    Johannes hated when this happened.

    It wasn't often that Johnny helped with breakfast, and Johannes was used to having control of their body in the morning (it took Johnny's mind longer to wake up that Johannes'). He didn't like it when the other mind in his skull pushed him around so early. The afternoon was Johnny's time. The morning was his. When Johnny started off the day, it usually meant something horrid was about to happen (to them or someone else.)

    Johnny grabbed a grimy fork and began to eat the egg as their legs propelled them towards the moldering couch. He flopped down and propped their feet up on a cardboard box that served as not only a foot rest, but a coffee table. Within seconds, he had scarfed down the egg, and was coughing up bits of soot.

    "Damn Johannes. You really spaced out." Johnny muttered.

    I didn't space out. I was just...thinking.

    Johnny giggled. "Ooooh. 'thinking,' eh? About what, might I ask? Oh wait...I already know." He grinned maniacally. "It is ever so nice to share a cranium, isn't it? I can hear all of your little thoughts and dreams. All of your stupid musings. And let me tell you, she's out of your league. No one marries, much less dates, guys with multiple personalities." Johnny coughed. "We're just to...crazy, unpredictable, and occasionally violent for people to trust."

    No Johnny. Johannes said sulkily in their mind. WE are not that way at all. Only you are.

    "Oh yeah. I forgot." Johnny giggled again. "Anyway, I wouldn't think much of dear Tesla if I were you. She only hangs around you because you're a pity party. Someone to test charity on. I seriously doubt she enjoys our company all that much."

    Once again Johnny. She doesn't enjoy YOUR company.

    "Keep telling yourself that." Johnny crossed their legs and picked some mud off the sole of their boot. "Either way, she'll figure out we're too crazy to handle and move off to someone else someday. She'll make new friends because she's normal, and people like normal."

    I am normal. You aren't. And if she doesn't like hanging out with us, why is she always over here?

    "She's not over here now."

    Inwardly, Johannes smiled. She will be in thirty seconds.

    The doorbell rang.

    "Johannes! I can smell your breakfast from down the block! Let me in...because...I've got...ORANGE JUICE!"

    "Shit." Johnny muttered. "Sorry Tesla. No one wants any of your morning zest today." In a fluid motion, Johnny was off the couch and pressed against the door. "Go away."

    "Oh Johnny, are you in charge this morning? To what do I owe this pleasure?" Tesla said, still cheerful, from behind the door.

   "Just go away Tesla. I was having a wonderful time here before you showed up, and you know Johannes gets uppity when you're around. Pushes me out of the way and such...gets control. I'd rather that not happen this morning. I've got ever so much stuff to take care of."

    "Just let me in Johnny."

    "No. The door's locked."

    There was a sigh from behind the door, and the sound of retreating footsteps. Johnny grinned. Had it actually worked? Had Tesla gotten the hint and wandered away? By the sound of the key that turned in the lock, the answer was no. With a shoulder to the door, Tesla shoved her way in, and crushed Johnny up against the wall.

    "I have a key Johnny. Johnny?" Tesla looked around frantically. "Where are you?"

    Slightly muffled, but still audible, came the reply, but this time it wasn't Johnny who gave it. It was Johannes.

    "Back here...behind...ouch...the uh, door."

    Tesla grinned at the tone and pitch of the voice, and closed the door, reveling a rather pained Johannes. She threw her arms around him and gave him a rather tight bear-hug.

    "Oh Johannes! I'm glad you're back. You know I don't enjoy arguing with Johnny. He never has many nice things to say. How do you stand living with that guy in your brain?"

    Johannes shrugged. "I dunno. You get used to him after a while. He's like some sort of roommate who doesn't get the hint and won't pay rent...You kinda get used to the idea that he's not going away anytime soon, so you just make the best of it."

    Tesla laughed, and Johannes smiled. He loved it when she laughed. It made his life seem less miserable.

    "Oh Johannes. I've missed you." She ruffled his hair, though she had to stand on her tip-toes to do so. "I've got so much to tell you. So much..." She grinned, and Johannes smiled back.

    "Like what?" He asked, smile still plastered against his face.

    "I've met someone wonderful..."

    Johannes' mouth twitched a little.

    "And he's asked me to move in with him."

    And then Johannes' smile disappeared all together.

The End

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