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...s eleven, he brought a friend home. Not a normal. In fact, every bit as abnormal as Luke himself was. The two did not come home to watch after school cartoon's. Instead they talked. Talked of philosophy, theology, pathology. And this did not change when he found more friends. It was just that the talks turned into formal meetings, and as they all grew up, the conversation centred more around politics and world order. Their favourite discussions being about the latest news: the breakthroughs in storm detection and prevention, which were saving more lives; genetics and the abolishment of illnesses and viruses; the raising of the life expectancy age through better health. All of which had lead to an increase in world population.

Twelve-and-a-half years after his birth, Luke was a member of an adult world in which he was more grown up than most of the other adults in it. And his friends - better that we call them cohorts, all alike - had grown to twelve.

Luke's Disciples

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11 COMMENTS ABOUT THIS STORY RSS

Just Chatting
yingguoren "On the contrary. I am fascinated by language and love discussing the finer details. Maybe sometimes I am wrong, maybe sometimes I am right. But if it improves my writing, then all the better."
Just Chatting
seldom "we've made a bit of a mountain out of a molehill I reckon. It doesn't really matter.
Sorry - just ignore me
;)
"
Just Chatting
yingguoren "The section is being taken out of context. The sentence, without the aside between the commas, reads 'The woman was stood over the sink...when a chill spread across her back.' Saying, 'The woman stood over the sink...when a chill spread across her back' just doesn't make sense. Although I accept that I could have said 'was standing' or 'had been standing', which might have sounded better."
Just Chatting
Glenakin "Just like Seldom said. 'The woman was stood over the sink' should in fact be 'The woman stood over the sink' or 'The woman was standing over the sink' (depending on whether or not you want to include "was" in the sentence)."
Just Chatting
seldom "No - use 'stood' just take out 'was' - I think that's what was meant.
?
:)
"
Just Chatting
yingguoren "Not to get defensive...bu-ut...in my defence. The second section of the chapter after the 'twelve years later' is told from Samantha's perspective, and begins with 'Samantha had not forgotten that day...' So we are looking back and summarising what has taken place within those twelve years.
Also, I do not think that it was wrong to use the past tense verb 'stood', as the events in the first paragraph are set in the very recent past. This is indicated by the fact that we do not hear that eerie word spoken the first time, as we have stepped in just after it has happened.
"
Just Chatting
Glenakin "Pretty good. Pretty good... But there are clear grammar errors right there, mate. 'The woman was stood over the sink'.
Might be a good idea to read through your work before posting it. But the story's nice
"
Just Chatting
DrPinch "You say "Twelve years later" then describe things that happened before that, making it totally superfluous.

I see the idea and think it could have potential, but think the exposition could be expressed in a more engaging way - it's a little dry.

However, the reveal of it being the baby talking was very well done.
"
Just Chatting
yingguoren "Thanks, snowstormfir. This is an idea I had a while back, but I never went anywhere with it becasue other things took over. It would be really interesting to see in what directions other people might take the story."
Just Chatting
snowstormfir "brilliant story, i love it!!!, i might add to it sometime, this is SO front page material, BRILLIANT! 5/5"
Just Chatting
snowstormfir "brilliant story, i love it!!!, i might add to it sometime, this is SO front page material, BRILLIANT! 5/5"

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