protagonize: interactive fiction & collaborative story writing community
Get more out of Protagonize! Login or sign up as member.

Soulless

The woman was stood over the sink, soapy bowl in one hand and dish cloth in the other, when a chill spread across her back, beginning at the base of her spine and working its way up to her neck. Who had said it? That word, tearing its way through her body and reducing it to a quaking wreck.

Nobody else was in the house, it was just her and Luke. But she had not imagined it, she was sure of that, as sure as she was of being awake. So there must be someone else here...but no, that was stupid. People don't just sneak quietly into your house like the movies would have us believe. The only way in was by breaking in through a door or window, and quite obviously she would have heard that.

The word came again. 'Sam...an...tha.' It was drawn out and indistinct. Not a word spoken menacingly, but rather as if the speaker had struggled with it. And then she knew. She turned around, now wishing she was asleep, and faced Luke where he sat in the lounge.

It must have been Luke. The word must have come from Luke, her six-month old son.

Twelve years later.

Samantha had not forgotten that day. And not just because it was so...well, unforgettable, for want of a better word. But because it had only been the beginning. By the age of one, Luke had been talking as a five year old would, and by that age he was not only fluent but knew words that Sarah could not even guess at the meaning of.

His advanced knowledge came from a love of news and documentary when most other children his age were enjoying 'watch with Mother' programs. But doing anything 'with Mother' had been an interest. Samantha had given birth. Her role as a Mother ended there. Luke neither seemed to want or need a parent figure. He had only cried on one day, the day he was born, and he had no desire for the warm embrace of another human.

All his basic needs had been satisfied early. He learnt to cook for himself, he kept his on room private, and before he was even in primary school he was earning his own money; the internet opening up huge entreprennurial possibilities for a determined mind.

And Luke was certainly that, if he was lacking in other things. He loved school in a way that very few children do, climbing to the top of each class and consuming every book on every subject. Sport was not off the agenda either and, before his body had developed enough to cope with the rigorous exercse, he ran, jumped, boxed and swam. What he had was thirst, a thirst for everything except human companionship.

Until, when he was eleven, he brought a friend home. Not a normal. In fact, every bit as abnormal as Luke himself was. The two did not come home to watch after school cartoon's. Instead they talked. Talked of philosophy, theology, pathology. And this did not change when he found more friends. It was just that the talks turned into formal meetings, and as they all grew up, the conversation centred more around politics and world order. Their favourite discussions being about the latest news: the breakthroughs in storm detection and prevention, which were saving more lives; genetics and the abolishment of illnesses and viruses; the raising of the life expectancy age through better health. All of which had lead to an increase in world population.

Twelve-and-a-half years after his birth, Luke was a member of an adult world in which he was more grown up than most of the other adults in it. And his friends - better that we call them cohorts, all alike - had grown to twelve.

3.67
3

RATE THIS CHAPTER!

horriblemediocredecentgreatspectacular
NOT YET RATED
Please login to rate this chapter!

POST A COMMENT

Please login to post a comment.

11 COMMENTS ABOUT THIS STORY RSS

protagonize: author profile thumbnail for yingguoren "On the contrary. I am fascinated by language and love discussing the finer details. Maybe sometimes I am wrong, maybe sometimes I am right. But if it improves my writing, then all the better."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "we've made a bit of a mountain out of a molehill I reckon. It doesn't really matter.
Sorry - just ignore me
;)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for yingguoren "The section is being taken out of context. The sentence, without the aside between the commas, reads 'The woman was stood over the sink...when a chill spread across her back.' Saying, 'The woman stood over the sink...when a chill spread across her back' just doesn't make sense. Although I accept that I could have said 'was standing' or 'had been standing', which might have sounded better."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for Glenakin "Just like Seldom said. 'The woman was stood over the sink' should in fact be 'The woman stood over the sink' or 'The woman was standing over the sink' (depending on whether or not you want to include "was" in the sentence)."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for seldom "No - use 'stood' just take out 'was' - I think that's what was meant.
?
:)
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for yingguoren "Not to get defensive...bu-ut...in my defence. The second section of the chapter after the 'twelve years later' is told from Samantha's perspective, and begins with 'Samantha had not forgotten that day...' So we are looking back and summarising what has taken place within those twelve years.
Also, I do not think that it was wrong to use the past tense verb 'stood', as the events in the first paragraph are set in the very recent past. This is indicated by the fact that we do not hear that eerie word spoken the first time, as we have stepped in just after it has happened.
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for Glenakin "Pretty good. Pretty good... But there are clear grammar errors right there, mate. 'The woman was stood over the sink'.
Might be a good idea to read through your work before posting it. But the story's nice
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for DrPinch "You say "Twelve years later" then describe things that happened before that, making it totally superfluous.

I see the idea and think it could have potential, but think the exposition could be expressed in a more engaging way - it's a little dry.

However, the reveal of it being the baby talking was very well done.
"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for yingguoren "Thanks, snowstormfir. This is an idea I had a while back, but I never went anywhere with it becasue other things took over. It would be really interesting to see in what directions other people might take the story."
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for snowstormfir "brilliant story, i love it!!!, i might add to it sometime, this is SO front page material, BRILLIANT! 5/5"
protagonize: author profile thumbnail for snowstormfir "brilliant story, i love it!!!, i might add to it sometime, this is SO front page material, BRILLIANT! 5/5"

STORY TAGS

STORY POPULARITY

Liked this story? You might like this too:

RELATED STORIES RSS

Poltergasmsmature

Wicca

Meta-fighter

World of Warcraft: a Forbidden Love Story

The spark

BY THE SAME AUTHOR RSS

THE GOODS

STORY CATEGORIES

Support This Site

SPREAD THE WORD!