yeah
i was naked vulnerable and exposed
you probed
your forceps and scalpel pulled
gently tearing each onion skin
of me apart
until i unfolded before you
faltering you put the steel
in my hands
to peel back your own tender layers
until there was nothing unexposed but
your secrets
mirroring my own emptiness
your body held no answers for me
only showed
how weak i had become how
i could do nothing more for us
but bleed
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excerpt from This is the Time by
smac972
I'll enjoy it or I won't, but I won't rate poetry.
By commenting on it or adding branches to it, I figure it increases the story's potential exposure , if only by throwing it up on the Recent activity" list... And I won't do that if i think the poetry sucks."
I love my girlfriend and she has my heart but if she ever broke my heart I'd never hurt myself over it because that just gives her all the power.
Beautiful writing though, powerful and indepth. Keep going with it but try your hand as novels. Poetry is good but it doesn't take you very far!
I'm giving this a five."
i am just insecure about what I write.. and scared to put it up online..
thought you ment something bad by saying "whee poetry!"
sorry
I like your branch
it's really good!!"
I thought it might be neat to build a story through branches of poetry... Have I given offense by commenting on and adding to your story-root?"