protagonize: interactive fiction & collaborative story writing community
Get more out of Protagonize! Login or sign up as member.

yeah

i was naked vulnerable and exposed
you probed
your forceps and scalpel pulled

gently tearing each onion skin
of me apart
until i unfolded before you

faltering you put the steel
in my hands
to peel back your own tender layers

until there was nothing unexposed but
your secrets
mirroring my own emptiness

your body held no answers for me
only showed
how weak i had become how

i could do nothing more for us
but bleed

3.50
4

RATE THIS BRANCH!

horriblemediocredecentgreatspectacular
NOT YET RATED
Please login to rate this branch!

POST A COMMENT

Wanna say something? Make yourself heard!
We reserve the right to delete spam, flames, or other nasty stuff.

Please login or register to post a comment.

8 COMMENTS ABOUT THIS STORY RSS

Just Chatting
jait "Watch it, you'll ruin my rep (I have a rep?)

I'll enjoy it or I won't, but I won't rate poetry.

By commenting on it or adding branches to it, I figure it increases the story's potential exposure , if only by throwing it up on the Recent activity" list... And I won't do that if i think the poetry sucks.
"
Just Chatting
Writers_Block "Haha awww Jait, you have feelings! Thats so cute :D"
Just Chatting
Writers_Block "Ah, young love. All those hormones flying around, its beautiful and horrific at the same time. Just make sure that you live your life for yourself, and don't let someone else control it with their emotions!
I love my girlfriend and she has my heart but if she ever broke my heart I'd never hurt myself over it because that just gives her all the power.
Beautiful writing though, powerful and indepth. Keep going with it but try your hand as novels. Poetry is good but it doesn't take you very far!
I'm giving this a five.
"
Just Chatting
kyrachristinex "sorry
i am just insecure about what I write.. and scared to put it up online..
thought you ment something bad by saying "whee poetry!"
sorry
I like your branch
it's really good!!
"
Just Chatting
Jillian "Hmm...somebody rated this a one but I really can't see why; it's very good. I enjoyed it, anyway. : )""
Just Chatting
jait "*Blink* My beef?

I thought it might be neat to build a story through branches of poetry... Have I given offense by commenting on and adding to your story-root?
"
Just Chatting
kyrachristinex "what's your beef?"
Just Chatting
jait "whee. poetry."

STORY TAGS

STORY POPULARITY

Liked this story? You might like this too:
excerpt from This is the Time   by smac972

RELATED STORIES RSS

'O'

The Journey

Riddles

The Path We Take

It All Came Down For You

BY THE SAME AUTHOR RSS

Broken Dreams and Other Fallacies

The Return of Chastity-Anne

Finding Prometheus

Poltergasmsmature

I'm Not Charlie

THE GOODS

Start writing now! Register for a free Protagonize account

STORY CATEGORIES

Support This Site

SPREAD THE WORD!