I wake up, teary eyes, head hurts, gripping to the duvet. I turn to look at the clock, 4.58 AM. I’m waking up earlier and earlier every day. I turn to face the window. I look out to see the dark grey clouds and smell the polluted air. These days will never change. Ever.
“Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm” I hold the duvet tighter and stare out the window. Now I’m in a thinking mood. Thinking about that dream, that memory, that pain. It will never leave me. It will be my heart until the day I die.
What to do today? Beach? Stay in bed? Staying in bed sounds like the best thing to do right now. That nightmare. Oh that nightmare, it will be on my mind all day. The way I clutched onto my Mothers top, thinking everything was going to be alright. Then... all of a sudden my Mother and Father lie dead at my feet.
The thought of it makes me well up inside. The pain is too much to bear most of the time. I try to think other thoughts, but it is too hard.
The pain, the memory, everything. I want to sleep, oh God I want to go back to sleep but I am afraid what nightmare will come next.
I roll in the duvet and bury my head into my pillow. I close my eyes and shut my mind, I breathe and then... find myself going into a deep sleep again.