'We have never quite grasped the concept of sitting down and soaking up the silence; oh no! We pound our ears with electronic filth and fill up our eyes with depravity and its off-shoots. Then, just when at least one remaining sense should suggest another path to take, we go and accept the deal-breaker. A little bit of loneliness and it is time to start a family; settle down, but never settle. Today is a day for the children to have their own children. Today is the dawn of another mistake.'
Once upon a time I would find my cheek resting against the rear window whilst everything blurred past me including the ongoing conversations. Five years ago I would have been looking forward to arriving at the chalet with my brother, mum and dad. Five years ago I had this overwhelming sensation that life was a joyous adventure. Back then we were all unscathable and surrounded by nothing but love; it was everything we needed and the only thing we would ever want to give.
I'm not sitting in the back of a car with my family, travelling towards Stranraer anymore. Infact right now, I can't sleep, it has become quite obvious that this floor is comfortable, and I wouldn't be surprise if the absence of heating is responsible for another week with a bad back. Still, for every con there will always be the many pros of leaving home:
'I'm seventeen. It became quite apparent that education was not for me, and employment is another chore I left home to escape. All of a sudden my life has opened up to me and I have found mind altering substances, alcohol and sex. Almost everynight whilst the workers are sleeping in preparation for another day at the office I am living my life. A few pills, bottle of vodka, couple of spliffs, line of coke and a good sweaty fuck, that's living grand-dad. Life is paid for if you need it, and if that is the case I have to admit that 'free living' sounds like an invitation to party.'
Not everyday can be a drug fuelled party, as much as I would like it to be. Work provides comfort and a little soberness ensures that dramatic tangents are not stumbled upon. For example take what happened to her three days ago.
"And who the fuck do you think you are, she's told me exactly who you are. You're not anyone, you're just another idiot who thinks its time to play big brother. She's told me all about you, failing university and taking heroin. As if I'm going to be scared of a junky."
"Actually I graduated two years ago and the idea of putting myself through a mourish nightmare of bankruptcy and translucent skin is most definately a shite one. All I am asking is that you promise me my sister is okay, and you're not going to hurt her."
"I would never touch her, I'm not her dad."
"Her dad? My dad. Are you suggesting that..."
"Your dad hit you mum."
"Is it necessary that i listen to ficticious shite escaping the mouth a plank. My dad is dealing with a terminal illness and wouldn't piss off a woman if it cost him his legs. Now, is my sister okay?
"She's fine, we just had an argument, she has been round dave's house for two days and hasn't said a word since she got back.'
'Someone she knows from town, he's going away with the army in three weeks, and she wants to make sure he's okay before he goes.'
'I've heard that one before'
As much as the phone conversation with my sister's abusive boyfriend was stimulating it was rudely abrupted by a knock at the door. In the background my sister opened the door and welcomed the visitors
'I have to go'
'The police are here.'
I know, i spoke to them before I went through the joyous moments of speaking to an arrogant little fuck like you.'
That was a good time to hang up. It wasn't the time to be defending myself against threatening verbal abuse. Half an hour previous to this conversation I received a tear fuelled phone call. Trapped in a room, 200 miles away, my sister sat crying with fear in the house she shared with her boyfriend (once or twice fiancee). Apparently bruised I had no choice but to worry, dispite the fact that I would expect a couple of blows if i strolled in after sleeping with another dreg. I had no choice but to sit through this one; she may be acting like a slag, but she may as well be safe. After all, it's just vote in favour of hereditary dismisal.