Page 3

This is because of a phenomenon known as the Stuff Effect. Every so often, energy collates at certain points. Thanks to a certain man whose name can’t be mentioned here for no reason whatsoever, we know that mass is a kind of energy. Therefore, if enough energy appears in one location then mass will appear there. According to the equation for the Stuff Effect, very little mass appears for a large amount of energy, but thankfully attics have vast quantities of it.

A more reasonable, but more boring explanation is that the grandparents had a lot of stuff in their attic and our hero wasn’t very observant.

He looked around in the attic for a few minutes and found almost nothing. The exclusion to this almost nothing was everything he found, but he found only one thing of interest. This was a small box, which stated ‘Do Not Touch’. Naturally, our hero had touched it, because he had picked it up, but he assumed it meant that he was not meant to open it. So he opened it. Since he had already violated the touching rule, opening it did not seem like much of an offense.

Inside the box was another box. This box was obviously smaller. In a true display of cliché, the smaller box had written on it: ‘No really, I mean it’.

Unfortunately, our hero had already had to have touched the box to read that message, since it was on the front of the box rather than the top. Whoever made this system of boxes wasn’t very smart.

There was a large multitude of boxes, going smaller and smaller, until eventually the final box opened and revealed a key.

For those wondering, the messages on the boxes went thus:

‘Do Not Touch’

‘No really, I mean it’

‘I’m warning you’

‘If you open this box then so help me…’

‘Do not open the previous boxes’

‘Do not open the next box’

‘Open this box, you may as well now’

The key was rusted and therefore made of iron, since everything else corrodes. Mr. Hero wondered what the key was for, as all key-finders should. Perhaps it led to treasure, or adventure, or romance, or money; or, best case scenario, all of them.

This was only partly true.

He ran down the stairs, exclaiming that he found a key. Everyone else was in the living room talking about things which no one particularly cared about, except for maybe them, and that was a bit of a stretch. When grandfather discovered that Mr. Hero-bigshot had found The Key, he was obviously worried. He was sure he had put that in a box.

This story has a severe lack of similes and metaphors. The next page will contain appropriate narrative techniques. Feel free to add them to the previous pages. The remaining pages of this book will contain them all by themselves.

The End

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