Castiel x Depressed!ReaderMature

WARNING. THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS TRIGGERS WHICH SOME READERS MAY NOT BE COMFORTABLE WITH. READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.

TRIGGERS: DEPRESSION, SELF HARM, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS 

     The Winchester's. Those boys had practically raised you, per say. Even though you were just a year shy of Sam's age. Dean had always treated you like he'd known you forever, which was nice. Although, despite the brother's seemingly endless care, you still had your own internal monsters that couldn't be defeated with a little salt and Holy Water. As you trekked the small area of your motel room, your shoulders began to feel heavy, and a migraine slowly crept up.

"You think those boys actually care for you?" A malicious voice taunted.

"Why do you think they left you alone this time?" Another added on.

"You're a burden to them! All you do is drag everything on!" More and more voices piled on.

"Worthless monster!" With the last comment, you swung your arms across the table, bringing off everything that had been placed on it.

     Starting to feel a rush of emotions, you ripped open your duffle bag and dug out one of your knives. Rushing to the bathroom mirror, you stared at your reflection with hatred and depression clouding your eyes. Your h/c hair stuck to your face with the tears that had begun to cascade. Bringing the blade to your wrist, your e/c orbs were clouded with tears that had not yet fallen. Do it. You pressed the cold metal to your skin. Slide it across already, come on. Dragging the blade across your skin, the crimson began to flow.

     You repeated the process. Faster, deeper, bloodier cuts. You did so until you couldn't distinguish the lacerations from all the blood that had poured forth onto your arm. Taking another look in the mirror, you couldn't help but scream. Ugly. Disgusting. Fat, gross pig. Just die already! As a last act, you plunged your forehead into the glass, shattering it. You felt your eyelids go heavy, falling onto the cold tile floor.

"(y/n)? Are you with me, (y/n)?" A clouded, gruff voice caused you to flutter your eyes open.

"C-Cas...? How did you...?" You stuttered, looking down at your heavily bandaged arm.

"I got your prayer." He stated, standing at the end of the bed.

"My prayer? When did I pray to you?" Bringing a hand to your aching head, you felt more bandages.

"Careful, you're still bleeding under those. I tried my best." Cas was now siting next to you.

     As much as you appreciated Castiel's help, you wish he would've let you bleed out. The angel had always taken a liking to you, but you only thought it was out of pity. Getting up out of the bed, to went to go back into the bathroom.

"(y/n), what're you-" Castiel stood, coming after you.

"Dammit, Cas! Leave me alone! Let me finish this!" You had started to cry again, worsening your headache.

"You can't throw all of this away, (y/n). Sam and Dean have been notified, and are on their way back as we speak." You threw your arms to your side, now annoyed.

"They're the last goddamn thing I need!" You screamed, pushing past Castiel who grabbed you by the arm.

"Listen to me, (y/n). I can't let you do this to yourself." Cas's grip was tight, his voice firm.

"Why not, Cas? Because you pity me?" You spat, ripping your arm free from the Angel and sitting on the opposite bed.

     Dead air hung in the room for a while. You were picking at the wrapping Castiel had put over your left wrist, unable to peel it off. The sound of wings fluttering filled the air, and once more you were alone. But, a few seconds later, that same sound came back, with Cas right in front of you. He helped you stand, and brought you in for a hug.

"Cas? What is this? Why are you hugging me?" You wanted to smile, but were more confused.

"This is a method you humans use typically when comforting someone, or showing affection." Okay, now you were smiling.

"So which are you doing?" You added on, a light chuckle.

"Both." His grip tightened, but not in a painful amount.

"Castiel, can I ask you something?" You asked, nervously biting your lip.

"Yes, angels are capable of the human emotion, "love". I have been down here on Earth long enough to pick up some things." Castiel pulled away, to where his blue eyes were staring at your e/c ones.

"A-Are you saying..." Your face turned bright red, and swore he could feel the heat from your blush.

"I do not pity you, (y/n). And while seeing you in Heaven might sound delightful, I'd like to postpone it as long as possible." Cas flashed you his famous 'lost puppy' smile.

     Maybe, instead of salt and Holy Water to kill your demons, all you needed was an angel.

The End

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