Social Retards Inc.

ChApTeR oNeSsSsSsSs!!

And so folks, I decided to attempt suicide. No, I’m not depressed, I'm not an unhappy bullied little girl, socially retarded and pushed around by the world....Ok so I am socially retarded...just not the rest.

You see, I decided to commit suicide because ...I'm bored. Just boredom. Unlike most people, I do know what comes after death. Let me tell you, it's not heaven, or hell, or fairy land but just new life as a mewling and puking baby. I know this cause I remember all my past lives, and have since I was first born. So…since this life was boring, I decided to get a shiny new one!

Hoping on the top of the Bay Harbor Were House, I decided to scream "I CAN FLY!" While jumping off. Just wanted to give people something to talk about. I wonder what the people’s explanations would be? I’m positive they'd think I was depressed, I mean, to them, I fit the profile to the tee-

1) I live alone.

2) I have no friends.

3) I sit in class and read all day.

4) Even I'm not sure when my birthday is! 

5) I didn't know what a "Santa Clause" was till I was 15...always thought it was a kind of martini, that is till we were asked to write an essay on it…you can imagine how that went!

So it will seem like I was some lonely little sad child, jumping to her death... Let's get this straight, I' m not. If you read my profile and still think I'm actually hurt inside...here’s a few things to justify the way I live...let's go point by point, shall we?

1) I like living alone, the peace and quiet is very welcoming.

 2) I just don't like people. Relationships are too complex and just breed stress. I mean, when you do math, you know the final outcome is fixed, but with people...the back stabbing and the "DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ME!?" and the screwing each other over... It's a waste of my time.

3) BOOKS ARE FANTASTIC! AMAZING! There's no variable outcome, always reliable and they keep me occupied!

4) Every year I grow a little older...so what?! Am I celebrating the fact that I'll soon have wrinkles?!

5) Who wants a red man in a suite coming down your chimney and leaving gifts?! I mean, when I heard the whole "He sees you when you’re sleeping...knows if you've been bad or good..." the first thing I thought was...CREEPY STALKER! Imagine...he sees you in the shower and while your dropping a poo!! I'm glad no one told me when I was a kid about this "Santa"...it would have given me nightmares!

So yeah...satisfied! I am not depressed. And since I'm writing this...I'm not dead either. I never did jump...and it's all because of that stupid boy with his stupid specs and stupid computer! 

The End

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