Forgive Me

Can you forgive me again? I don't know what I said, but I didn't mean to hurt you.

I was angry. More than that, I am terrified. Terrified that you'll find someone better than me, it's really not that difficult. I mean, look at me I'm paranoid, I'm possessive and compared to someone like you? I'm a freak of nature.

I heard the words come out, I felt that I would die, it hurt so much to hurt you.

Scientifically speaking, I'm not supposed to feel your pain. I'm not supposed to realise that I've just hurt someone's feelings. But on that terrible night in that dingy room rife with the stench of drunken fumes I said those accursed, evil words and for the first time I felt I would gasp with the intensity of someone else's pain.

Then you look at me, you're not shouting anymore, you're silently broken.

You didn't shout, which was the worst thing. You just questioned in a broken voice with broken-looking eyes if I truly thought that, as though I could never think that. The shameful truth was as I stared into those broken moss-green eyes that I did. I did think that because there are dozens of people out there who are better than me.

I'd do anything now, to kill those words for you, each time I say something I regret I cry I don't wanna lose you.

To lose you, would be like the sun losing it's light. The sea losing its waves. The summer sky losing it's colour. The venomous words I said are like ebony demons, ripping our friendship apart. I want to kill them, I want to destroy the words I said for causing such chaos in my perfect world.

Stay with me, you look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.

But you won't take apologies. The crack has already been made, we both know that. And we know that it could take months, years to heal. I'm sorry. Sorry is a pathetic word, isn't it? A word used when one can't think of another word to say in times of dire disaster for someone. I am pathetic, sorry is my saying.

And you forgive me again, you're my one true friend and I never meant to hurt you

You're my best friend. Through Thick and Thin. Through all the break-ups and make-ups. Through anything life throws at me you'll be there for me. And although you don't realise it, I'll always be here for you too.

The End

10 comments about this story Feed