Mia won’t say it out loud but I think her parents fucked her up. If her dad hadn’t left, she wouldn’t be so scared to fall in love and if her mom wasn’t so scary she wouldn’t be afraid to be loved. Even though she didn’t know her dad and she jokes about it all the time, I know it messed up how she sees love. She doesn’t talk about it seriously for too long to really be sure but I do know that he broke her mom’s heart and she doesn’t want to be like that. And maybe on some other level she thinks her dad left because he didn’t love her which makes her think she doesn’t deserve to be loved. Her mom on the other hand does love Mia but she makes love seem toxic and any affection she shows confuses me because I know it won’t be long before she’s screaming at Mia for something stupid. But Mia once said that she’s all she has in terms of parents if you’re not counting my mom who insists Mia is her’s too. And that breaks my heart because I know Mia, and she’s desperate to be loved but she’s terrified of it.
I look down at my wrist and thought about when I first got it, I sympathized more with Mia. I shouldn’t have let it happen and now there’s this fucking mark on my arm that won’t go away and it’s always there. It always reminds me that I wasn’t enough for someone and it makes my insides churn, it hurts. That’s what happens when you fall in love with a boy with nice hair, a fast car, amazing taste in music and good pot. He’ll use you up and then pretend you don’t exist, all while you hide the black mark on your wrist because just like Julio, I was in denial. When I found out Laura left a black mark on Alex, I felt a mix of justice and jealousy, but I didn’t talk about it.