I got the idea from this post http://tuckedshirts.tumblr.com/post/98385120018/pretendersrpa-slippingintoacomabored where every time you fall in love a tally mark appears on your wrist and this was something that I wanted to explore through different points of view of kids. I don't really know what else to say about it really
Love was once easy. In its most innocent form, love was a thing that I once had plenty of. But as a girl grows up, love becomes a weapon because a girl who loves easily is a girl who is easily hurt. One has to build walls and dams to hold it all back because letting it spill out is too great a risk and if a girl isn’t careful a boy with a big smile and false promises will take her dancing on Tuesday nights and talk to her about October moons, only to leave her broken hearted. That is why my wrist is free of the red tally marks that many flaunt so much.
Those with marks all down their arm sing their love songs, full of happiness and feelings that I cannot relate to. The ones with more frequent black marks sing of unrequited love and the pain of want. And the most solemn ones with thin white lines sing of their painful loss and what had once been. But I do not sing. Though I do not believe I am incapable of romantic love like some, more so I am afraid of it though I’d never admit it. Of course there are different forms of love, from platonic to familiar and I feel some of those, as I believe most do, but it is romantic love that scares me. I remember the times it happened some others.
The summer before sophomore year a deep black mark appeared on the pale skin of Abby’s wrist and I watched as she tried to ignore the stabbing feeling that Alex didn’t love her back. Julio shares the same black mark though he is adamant that it should be red because Hannah obviously loves him back, but the girl has had a lot boyfriends in the past but only one red dash on her frail wrists. Laura’s red mark was surrounded by the thin marks she gave herself, but over time both kinds of lines have faded, giving me further evidence that love, even when requited, is painful and only when it starts to fade does the pain go too. Jadon’s deep red mark appeared after he and Abbea had been dating for a few months and they both seem happy but I’m still weary. My own mother’s wrists only have two lines which doesn’t add up but I don’t question it. Often times I am told that it’s common for someone at 16 to have no marks and that I shouldn’t worry because someone will come along someday but that’s exactly what I don’t want. Not only is that statement untrue because A) not everyone falls in love because B) sometimes they just don’t, C) they never meet ‘The One’ or D) you’re like me and you’re a cynical fuck because of some abandonment issues.
Now I assume this is where I lay on the couch and tell you about how my daddy left me before I could speak and how that led to me subconsciously refusing to fall in love but that would just be bullshit. It is a completely conscious decision to refuse to fall in love so fuck you. This just so happens to be exactly how my conversation with Laura played out.
“It’s not your fault your dad left Mia; you still deserve to be loved”
“I know that, who wouldn’t love me? I’m great! Right Allie?”
“Don’t drag me into this; this is your fucking therapy session.” Allie called from the bed she had propped herself on. Sighing I turned back to Laura, “Why aren’t you giving Allie this speech? She’s just as hopeless about this shit as I am.”
“That’s different. Allie just doesn’t care, she’s not ‘consciously refusing’ to fall in love.” Laura says as her voice goes up an octave. And God, do I hate her optimism, she was the one who was supposed to understand after all that happened with Justin but I decide not to bring that up and instead I slide off the couch and on to the floor beside her and talk to her in the nicest tone I can muster, “Laura Elizabeth Tymm, I don’t think this is problem really, I’m a pretty happy person on my own, none of that Missing Piece shit going on in my life so tell me why would I fuck that up by falling in love?”
“Because Maria. That’s how things go!” she responded and is it possible for her voice to get any higher? I try not to roll my eyes, “Ever heard of aromantics or asexuals Timmy? They exist, you know.”
“Is this you coming out to us Mia? Because I gotta say I did it better” Allie says from her perch and I resist the urge to flip her off, “No, you bisexual little shit, I’m not coming out, but if I was I would have been damn sure to wait until everyone was drunk to do it” I state pointedly and she just huffs a laugh before saying, “Well I had been hoping for more of a reaction from you guys but you didn’t seem surprised at all, maybe I should’ve told you before the bottle of whiskey was gone.”
“No hun, they weren’t surprised because it’s always been obvious,” Laura chimed in, “And if you’re not asexual then what the hell Mia?”
“I don’t know man, lay off. Maybe it is my deep seeded daddy issues that keep me from dropping my pants for the first guy who tells me I’m pretty, but that’s my problem so let’s just watch Lilo & Stich please?” Laura rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything and flipped on the movie and for that I was grateful.