“No way!” I had cried out when Mother told me the news, “They are staying,andgoing to Mission Bay? No freaking way!”
Mother had smiled happily at my enthusiasm, and The Muller’s had laughed at the expression on my face. I was shocked, happy and amazed at the same time, and that combined to make a strange sort of smile. I was so happy that Kristian and Viktor weren’t going to leave me alone with Keelan.
I don’t know what had made me realize how much of a prick; sorry about the harsh words, Keelan was, but I had realized, and I couldn’t stay around him much anymore. If he was the same Keelan that he was in Grand Marais, I wouldn’t have minded. He would have been almost perfect, and I would have loved to actually be near him, to actually be friends with him.
But he was different, and I couldn’t even consider it now. That was a bit ironic of me to say though, as I was a complete 180 from what I had been in Grand Marais, but I was still similar. I had the same morals, I treated my friends the same, I loved the people close to me with all my heart; just like I did back then. So I was similar in those ways. I couldn’t say the same about Keelan.
“Yes. We have brought a home just over the next street. You are welcome to come over whenever you like.” Lucinda said with a smile on her gentle and soft face. I smiled my goofy grin back, and then controlled the smile a bit better so I didn’t look quite so insane. She giggled at me, and I smirked while I blushed gently.
“Oh, you can count on me being over there,” I said, a laugh on my lips, but I held it back, simply just smiling largely.
Kristian and Viktor laughed at my words, and I looked over at them, locking eyes with Kristian for a moment, his clear blue green eyes piercing into mine. I held his eyes for a couple more seconds, but dropped my gaze, getting up out of the chair I was sitting on, and heading inside. I was cold again, as it had been almost an hour since Kristian and I had returned from our walk, and it was almost midnight, leaving me a little bit tired, but only because I had done so much that day. Walking around the mall for half the day, going to dinner and almost throwing up several times, and the walk with Kristian; all in 3 inch heels… it left me sore.
I walked to the kitchen to pour myself another glass of drink. We had worked our way through the two bottles of Prosseco that my mother had hoarded over the years, and she had brought out the Martell Cognac and the Hansen Rum. I had started on the Rum, as I wasn’t in the mood for the Brandy, and I was mixing it with some cola, so it wouldn’t get me drunk after three glasses. As I mixed myself my drink, footsteps on the hardwood floors captured my attention.
I looked up to find everyone walking past the kitchen, heading towards the hallway. I frowned as they passed me, following each of them with my eyes as they passed by, curious as to where they were off to. Viktor passed by, and caught my eye, smiling at me. I grinned back, and waved, picking up my drink as I did, stirring it well before taking a sip of the strong rum mix.
He eyed the drink in my hands, and gave me a look, making his way into the kitchen enough to lean against the doorframe.
“What?” I asked, curious of the look he was giving me. He smirked (was that the only thing he knew how to do?) and gestured towards the drink.
“Drinking the strong stuff now, are we?” he asked in his über sexy German accent. I nodded a small smile on my face as I took another sip. “Of course…” he muttered, turning around to walk back the way he was heading. I followed after him, and saw that they were heading to the basement / games room, fully equipped for whoever we had over. Not that keen on going down there with them, I got to the top of the stairs heading down to the basement, and yelled down to Mother, who was already down playing pool with Lucinda and Johan.
“Mother! I am going to bed! I will see you in the morning!” She was quick on her response, even though it was slightly garbled by the amount of drink she had consumed that night.
“Okay, darling! Love you!” she called back, giggling at the end. I rolled my eyes at Mother’s antics. She never drank normally, but when friends came over, she was one hell of a drinker. It was a complete 180 to her normal self, but I knew she was having fun, rather than being her uptight self, so I didn’t mind that much.
I climbed up the stairs slowly, trying not to hurt my legs anymore than they already were, and had just reached my bedroom door, when I heard something behind me. I looked back to see nothing. I frowned and opened the door to my room, walking in and closing it securely behind myself. I flicked on the lights, illuminating my pure white walls, and black everything else. I looked over that the wall that had held the pictures of Jackson and myself. It was now bare, apart from my mirror, and the small marks where the tacks had held the pictures in place. Small holes now dotted the entire wall, but I wasn’t worried about that. My entire room just felt empty; lonely. It matched the emptiness in my heart that Jackson had made when he did what he did, and now, thinking about him, the hole in my heart hurt just around the edges. I closed my eyes, holding my chest, and sat down on my black comforter, putting the drink down on my bedside table.
How could he do that to me? How? I had never done anything to him.Ever. Nothing to make him cut off all ties to me… was there? Thinking back… there were a few things I had done that were bad, but notthatbad. Just minor mistakes here and there, but defiantly not enough to make him do that.
Thinking about this made the hurting worse, and I knew I was stupid to actually think that talking to him at the restaurant actually helped. It just made it worse for me to deal with now, when I was alone. I thought I would be lucky, and be able to talk to him without it hurting me, but I was wrong. Dead wrong.
I opened my eyes to wipe away the angry and pain tears, and found Kristian standing in front of me, worry plastered over his flawless face. I swallowed, trying to get the lump in my throat to dissipate, but I was unsuccessful. I wiped the tears away, trying to get rid of any traces of my sudden breakdown. I sniffed, and kept my gaze down, ignoring the looks Kristian was giving me with his caring blue green eyes. I couldn’t stand to see the worry and sadness at my pain in them.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked his voice deliberately low. I could hear the adults and Viktor downstairs, the sound of the pool balls smacking against each other and their laughter and drunken accusations of cheating in the game. I shook my head in reply to his question, my eyes still downcast. He sighed and moved closer, sitting next to me on my bed, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.
“Tell me,” he whispered, the pain of seeing me upset clear in his voice, “tell me, so I can make it better.”
I inhaled shakily, closing my eyes and I raised my head so I could get a good breath of cool air. My room was stuffy, but Kristian had just travelled through, disturbing the stuffiness, and letting a cool breeze run through, if only for a moment.
“No, it wont. It will make it worse. I don’t want to speak about it, and I would actually like to be alone right now. So… please leave, Kristian. Please,” I croaked, my voice unable to go any louder. He grunted beside me, obviously unsure of what to do. Obviously, the smart thing would be to leave. But his pride wouldn’t let him; I could remember that much. I knew how much pride Kristian had, and he was hell-bent on making sure I was okay. He had always been like that, and I was used to it, but it was unnatural none-the-less. He had never listened to me…
So I knew what was running through his mind while he sat there, his gorgeous face torn while he tossed between leaving as per my wishes, or staying like he was sure was the best thing to do. He decided to stay.
“I cannot leave you when you are obviously heart-broken over something. You should be telling me. I am good at advice…” he said quietly, arm now around my shoulders, trying to convince me. I actually laughed out loud at the last sentence. Kristian? Good atadvice?No way…
“You and advice that is good? I’m sorry, Kristian, but that is really funny,” I managed to choke out between giggles. He looked bemused as he gazed down at me, and then faux hurt flashed across his face, causing him to pout.
“I give great advice! How could I not!” he exclaimed, a laugh in his voice. I gave him a ‘how-can-you-ask-me-that?’ look, and he considered that. Shrugging in agreement, he then grinned as he squeezed my shoulders tightly.
“Seriously, though. I am here to talk to if you need to,” he reiterated, his voice now only serious. There was none of his normal joking tone in his voice now, and it went well with his German accent, enhancing the different way he spoke.
“I know, Krispy. I will tell you when I feel the need. Right now I am fine. Promise,” I said with a small smile, using his old nickname only I used from back in the day. He grinned at the name, removing his arm from around my shoulders; for which I was grateful. It was slightly awkward to have him acting like this when I was so unused to him being around again. In a week I would be cool with it, but for now…
“Okay, Nimmo… I will wait until you are ready,” he said, using my old nickname; one I hadn’t heard in over ten years. I had made him stop calling me that once we started school, but he always used it when we were alone, which wasn’t often seeing as Keelan kept close to me at all times after we started school, seeing as he was a year older, and had been at school a whole year before me.
“Nimmo! I can’t believe you still remember that!” I exclaimed, amazed at his memory. He grinned, and nodded.
“It is not exactly hard to forget. I get why you remembered Krispy, though. It starts with the ‘K’…” he said with an amused smile. I laughed, bemused at his comment, and stood up, dragging him with me by grabbing onto his hand and pulling. He may not have looked that big, but he probably weighed around 150 pounds, and that was a lot when it came to pulling him along when he was unwilling to move. I got him standing, and then walked behind him, pushing him out the door.
“Hey!” he protested, trying to roll off from my pushing arms. I persisted, making sure he was out of my room before I shut the door a bit so he couldn’t walk through the gap that was left, as I had occupied it.
“No. I need sleep, and you will let me get it. Okay?” I said, more of a demand, rather than a question. He nodded and handed me a piece of paper before he smiled and turned, walking down the stairs two at a time. I closed my door behind him, and then opened the piece of paper. It was his cell phone number.
I smiled to myself, shaking my head at his strange antics tonight. It was so unlike Kristian to be like this. He was normally so much more reserved, but not by much.
I walked to my wardrobe, stripping out of my over-sized jersey, short-shorts, shirt and tank top, changing instead into my normal black fabric pyjamas. I flicked the light out, and climbed into bed, too tired to clean off my make up.
I was so close to sleeping, but I just couldn’t slip into the warm embrace that I was craving. I was warm, I was comfortable, I was tired, but I just couldn’t make the last little steps to unconsciousness, for which I was eager for.
The reason was simple; Jackson.
His words from earlier, at his work, were rushing around my mind like a swarm of bees, never stopping, keeping me awake far longer than I was happy about. All I wanted was sleep, but Jackson’s words kept me conscious. ‘You won’t ever forgive me, will you?’, ‘You look really beautiful, by the way.’
I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t hold onto a boy who didn’t want me in his life. No. I won’t hurt myself over him anymore.
The voice in my head went quieter, making it easier for me to wrap my head around my new plan.
I won’t hurt over him anymore!
It got quieter.
Almost a whisper now.