Half an hour later I was still outside playing on my phone, going through my old messages now, as I was bored, and I had already gone through all my pictures, played all my games, and gone on Facebook for a while.
I was just reading a funny message, and had a grin on my face, when some footsteps announced someone’s arrival. I looked up, but couldn’t see them properly, as the light from the restaurant was behind them, and I couldn’t make out their face as it was in shadow.
“Hey, Carter,” the familiar voice said, and I knew who it was. I smiled at him, and then frowned. What was he doing here?
“Hey, Jackson…” I said, wary of why he was at the same restaurant as me, but also happy to see him. I hadn’t talked to him in that long…
“Why are you out here, huh?” he asked, walking forward and sitting down next to me, smiling as he looked over and down at me. I smirked, and looked back at the restaurant, gesturing to it as I spoke.
“I’m allergic, remember?” He nodded, and followed my gaze. I looked back at him, and felt my face fall, knowing he didn’t actually like me, so I returned my gaze to my phone, ignoring the look Jackson was giving me.
“Still holding on to old memories?” he asked, causing me to look up again. He was smirking down at me, but his eyes didn’t share the same emotion. They looked dead, but I could see a glimmer of something in their cool blue grey depths. Hope? Joy? I wasn’t sure.
“What do you mean?” I asked, slightly confused. He gestured down at my phone, and I looked down to see that it was open on a message from him. I blushed slightly, and exited from my inbox.
“No… I was just… I don’t know what I was doing,” I finished lamely, my face hot as I looked down at me hands. Jackson laughed at that.
“Smooth…” he muttered, causing me to laugh along with him.
“Hey, do you remember this picture being taken?” I asked, curious to see if he remembered. He was looking down at the phone I had given him, and staring at the picture.
“Um… Yeah. I think I do. It was like last week. The day before your ‘best friend’ arrived,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm when he said ‘best friend’. I looked up at him, frowning slightly as I detected something else in his voice. Jealousy. No… Not Jackson. He couldn’t be… he shouldn’t bejealousof Keelan. Hell no! There was no competition over who I would rather be friends with. Jackson would win hands down any day.
“Hey. Don’t say that about him. You have no idea how much of a prick he is. Honestly, he… I can’t stand him! No, not one bit. I’m only friends with him because I have no one else now that you are gone!” I said, getting emotional. I took a few deep breaths, and calmed down.
“So who took the picture?” I looked up at him, and he was grinning, his gorgeous blue grey eyes sparkling with joy. No matter what he tried, if he laughed, then it would always reach his eyes, making him feel better. Just looking at him hurt me, as I could really see what I missed the most about him not being around, and that was his face. I missed his gorgeous eyes, I missed his soft pale skin. I missed his strong jaw, and straight nose. I missed his softly full lips, which were always pulled up into a smile that made me feel better the second I saw it…
He healed my heart for 9 years, making me all better when Lincoln beat me up after school on Fridays. But now that he is gone, my heart aches when I see him… He made my body complete and made it easy to live, and now it feels like that part he filled up is gone, and it hurts. I feel empty, and sick all the time now, and I know I cant make it go away. Jackson doesn’t like me; we can never be friends again because he wants to be popular, and I won’t hold him back from that.
“Jamie,” he said. I frowned.
“How did he get my phone?” I asked, trying to remember. Jackson chuckled.
“You don’t remember? You gave it to him to borrow for the day. He still had it lunch, and you were asking me why I had convinced you to let him. You were feeling horrible that you might not get your phone back, and I was comforting you when he took the picture. I saw him grinning to himself right after,” he said, chuckling at the memory. It hit me then; I remembered that whole scene. I groaned to myself.
“WhydidI let him borrow it?” I muttered to myself, totally bewildered as to why I had done something so stupid.
Jackson shrugged, and then looked down at me, taking in everything.
“You look beautiful, by the way,” he said. I smiled slightly, but even a genuine compliment from him wouldn’t lessen the pain.
“Why did you go blond though?” Oh why did he have to ask me that!? Tell him the truth, or lie… Ooh… Truth.
“Honestly?” he nodded, and I sighed, “I’d had the black for as long as I’d known you. It was a constant reminder every time I looked in the mirror. So I needed a change,” I said quietly, “Also the reason behind the new piercings. I have 15 now.” I said with a small humourless laugh.
I felt the pain starting to grow in my chest, and I turned my body away from Jackson, looking at the ground to hide my tears that the pain had produced. Jackson noticed how I turned my body away from him, and placed a soft hand on my bare shoulder, a lot like how Kristian had not long ago. I shook his hand off, and he sighed. He reached over with one hand and grabbed my left hand, and with his other one, he reached over and gently pulled my face so I was looking at him. My lashes were wet with tears, and I wanted to go home. I didn’t want to get my heart broken by this boy anymore, and every time I looked at his gorgeous face, I felt a twinge as it broke a bit more.
“Car… Carter… Carleetah. Whatever your name is now… I am sorry. I am so sorry for what I did to you. But… I can’t tell you why I feel so bad. I just can’t. But I want you to understand that I truly care about you, and that I don’t care what I got told,” he said, eyes burning as he spoke. I knew he was telling the truth, and it eased the pain in my heart, but it didn’t erase what he did. Another tear slipped down my cheek, and I looked away from him, back at the restaurant. I couldn’t stand to look at his face anymore.
“You won’t ever forgive me, will you?” he asked, his voice full of pain. I brought my eyes back to his then.
“How could you even think that I would, Jack? I mean… you broke my heart. It breaks a little bit more every time I look at you. If afternineyears of being best friends, if you could just drop me like that and not even acknowledge me for the rest of the week, then I am scared to know what you could do after a couple of weeks, when you get bored of me next. So I can’t risk getting close to you again, Hun. I’m too fragile. I love you, but you need to get your priorities straight before you come back for my friendship. For both of our sakes.”
I felt the tears running down my cheeks now, and Jackson wasn’t moving. He was just staring into my eyes, lips pursed and tears forming slightly in his eyes. I pried my hand free from his grip, and grabbed the hand that was still on my face. I put it down in his lap, and leaned forward, kissing him lightly on the lips before standing up and walking back into the restaurant.
I could give him a little incentive, couldn’t I?