Skool Sux (unless you're Autistic)!Mature

A personal essay on sending my severely Autistic son to middle school.

My name is Mary. I have three children that I stay home and take care of. I despise the phrase "stay at home mom". I will tell you right off that no matter how I may speak about my children I do actually love them. And I have been assured that I'm a good mother. Here are some quotes from my children:

"Mom, you'd be better than dad on "Drunk History" because you get way drunker and you're funnier than Dad."

"I'm glad you aren't a crack head like, {name withheld}'s mom"

"Your cooking is the best."

So, like I said 3 kids. I will give them nicknames(which I will put in quotes so you know it's their name) that will accurately describe them without using their names to avoid embarrassing them. My oldest daughter, who's beauty is so radiant that our whole family has melanoma, is 14. Now,"Raging bitch monster from the depths of hades" is your typical teen. She has the most beautiful voice ever(objectively speaking) and wants to attend Julliard and eventually sing on Broadway. My youngest,10 yr. old "incessent interuppting, sister antagonizing, always asking for money shitstick", is the type of kid who wants to give presents to poor kids on x-mas and go to the soup kitchen on thanksgiving. She also has a great singing voice but says that, "singing doesn't help people. being famous can be like, a hobby while I cure autism and invent cures for other stuff." Awww... Then there is "The bane of my existence and cause of my multiple personalities". He is 12. Also severely Autistic. For those not versed in Autism, that means non-verbal, non-potty trained, violent with no sense of empathy.The boy has no sense of the world around him.

Now, my darling boy will be entering middle school this year and I've been worried for him. For his feelings. Now, for anyone who's spent time in a death camp or serial killer's attic you know that middle school is the most horrible place on earth. Middle school kids will destroy your self worth faster than being catholic! I can just hear them calling him a retrard and weirdo and whatever other slang words they use that I'm not young enough to know about. But then I realized I was worrying about the wrong thing.

Middle school is when we start becoming ourselves. When we test boundries and the film falls from our eyes! We can finally see the really real truth! Our parents were never our age and obviously grown in a lab and why doesn't anyone get me!? We learn a lot of important things about ourselves and others at that age. In 8th grade I dated a straight edge punk who hated cigarettes so much that he'd throw a fit and break mine everytime he caught me smoking but had know idea that when his mom drove me home at night we'd get high and listen to meatloaf (She taught me that i can love someone and still think that they're a dick.),a college freshman that cried all the time and made me listen to the same Buffalo Tom song over and over but taught me a lot about philosophy and mushrooms.

So, the real fear is, what if my boy can't rebel? Or fall in love? Or think shallow bands are deep(yea, i'm talkin to you nirvana.)? What if he can't make the horrible mistakes or feel the kind of love that you can only feel when you're a teenager? These are the things that keep me up at night. Because if you can't feel the joy and terror and frustration of life, are you really alive?                                  

The End

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