It tuck us around ten mintues to reached the meadows, but it only felt like seconds the only reason I knew time had pasted was becuase when we started walking I glaced to see if his hand was really holding mine. When I saw his posh styled watchs you nromally see in the high class jwearly stores that cost over two-hundred pounds are as I'm in America I should say ,four-hundred dollars, I think. I still wasn't fermilar with the coransie over here. Any why then I checked again when we reached the meadow.
As I looked at the meadow that pertried me so well I started to think if this really was my meadow. Every thing was the same even the tree, I'm very good at rembering thing mainly becuase I have a photo-graphic memory, all though its not the best,I still remeber images quite well.
Everything was the same except a fully grown tree drop dead in the middle of the meadow. It was a cherry blossom tree, that wasn't in bloom yet. But that begs the question why was it a cherry blossom tree, Or fever more where did it come from and how had it grown so fast.
So I looked at Darien for the answer. To may surprise he didn't look surprised at all actrually, even though he was trying to surpress it I could see the joy behand his carm face.
I narrowed my eye at him. He just shrugged.
I would have enchoired fever if it hadn't been for the fact that I had a limted time with Darien and thier was know point wasting it on somthing like a tree. so I dropped it.
So we head to the tree dissading it would be the best cover from the rain. I hadn't noticed but Darien didn't even have a jacket or sweeter on him. So I automaticly felt bad for having a cardie.
Once we had sat at the trunk of the tree, we rested our back on the tree.
Even though It was a stupid and embrassing gesture, I was still feeling bad for him not having a jacket. So I slow unfased my cardie getting even more embrassed knowing he was watching my every movement. I could picture him looking confused at me. But I didn't want to be rude.
Once I had undone the bottend I strugged it of my shuldders and turned to look at Darien with a flushed face.
" Here, have this you most be cold " I said timidly,and very innocently.
I could here the whole forest shake when he belted out a huge below of laughter. As it quited down, He looked back at me still shaking with a low chuckle.
"no stella..you keep it I'm just fine."I didn't miss the empofthy on the world fine.
"I didn't want to be rude so"I mummabled
"stella, you are to kind to people"he pushed the cardie back to me."think about yourself more offen though" humor still thier in his gentle voice.
Even though he wouldn't take it I still felt bad so I didn't put it back on. I could see disaprovale in his eyes.
"Put it back on Stella"he said fermly
"No" he always brung the stubbenness out of me.
"You've got gosse bumps stella." he ran his index finger up my arm, only making more gossebumps appear. I blushed
I shuck my head
"If you don't have a jacket then Its not right to have mine on. so no "
he sighted, in what seemed like defeat then I saw his smug smile stech along his face.
"you are very stubben" he grab the cardie off me "but thier no helping it." Then he grab my shoulder the fevist from him and pulled me right up to him.
"we may have to squive together is that ok" I could tell he all ready knew it was ok. I'm so shamful.
I just nodded
Then he wrap the cardigan around both of us. knowing that he placed most of it over me. I was going to protested but then.
" So what were you doing for the last two years." The question surprised me. It like we wasn't two strangers, more like two friend who haven't seen each other in two years. Or at least that how it seemed in the question.
"Why two years "I asked
he acted as if it didn't matter
"because I'm sure you don't want me to know your whole life story. Even if I asked you to tell me. So I shorted it down to two. ,for know." then he looked down at me, with a pulled up smile at on side of his mouth. I could see he was trying to engrage me to tell him and I wanted to.
"ok, but once you find it boring stop, me ok."
"ok, but just so you know I find nothing about you boring" he held me tigher to his hard chest. "so what happend"
I closed her eye and tried to remeber everything that happend in the last to years. The families,towns,schools,trips and most of all the lonlyness.
My eye unlocked and were full of stroy that all ended the same way, with a goodbye. So I began.
"The past to years. hmmmm. well tell me what you want to know because basicly I've had the same families, normaly real friendly at the begianing normaly without kid,thinking that its great to adopted, and deluding themselves in thinging their changing the world or somthing.Give me a break. Its sad really I don't know why some of them want kids, They just treat them like toys or dolls and use fake smile and play happy familys,of cause being me I go along with it knowing in the next three to six months they'll say the samething all the others do." I tried so hard to say it,the thing they all said to me but it wouldn't come out. It just burnt at the back of my throat wanting to be forgoten.
"You'll be better of somewhere else"I didn't even saying anything I looked around seeing where it came from. then I looked up and Darien was stareing stright ahead, It looked like he was thing of some bad memorys.
"yeah thats want they said" I just blinked twice and carried on.
"Of cause I knew what that translated as "Will be better of without you" then they smiled and waved like I was just a stupid, unneserry toy that they'd finshed playing with, or had broken which often was the case. Then off to the next family I went." I looked up to the sky, knowing that even though I it sound the same as all the other years thier was somthing diffrent. I could feel the loney tears that cried me to sleep so many time in the last two years were wending up in my eye lids now.
I felt something move its way in to my hair and ruffled it around. I tried to look back to see what it was. Darien held me so I can't look. So it was Darien hiding his face in my hair. I could feel his pain, He was taking it just as hard as I use too. He really wanted to know everything about me he really cared that I went throught alll that pained. Knowing hat made me alot happy and when I lifted my head to look at the sky I felt it was ok to cry aslong as Darien was the only one to see.
So as my past tears fell one by one down my skin each bring another memory, of sorrow and pain and dispear .Darien's grip on me became ever more tighter and unbreackable, I felt for the first time in my lift, I felt the touch of someone trying to protect my heart and even my soul.
After my tears had dryed up and I felt I couldn't cry any more I lowed my head and reached over my shoulder to touch Dariens head with my finger tips.
"Thank you, for listing to me" I said thoughtfully
He slow pulled his face from the my hair and tuned to look back at me with narrow eyes.
"Anytime," he paused"may I ask a favor of you." He started to reatache his smile to his face. I nodded
"anything"I encorged him.
"If you ever need to cry, about anything please would you come to me. I don't want to think of you crying next to a tree all by yourself. It terrorfying."I could see that what he said wasn't just to comfert me becuase he really did mean it. I was sure that even If it was the middle of the night, it would still apply.
I thought it throught and came up with my answer.
"It depends on what I'm crying about."
" Why,is thier something you don't want me to know." worry reapearing.
"No, But lets say if I was to cry about you, do you thing I would want to do it infront of you."I said trying to cover the blushing on my cheeks.
I could feel his whole body go stife. Maybe I stood not have said that.
He quickly let go of me and stood up so he could face away from me.
"Darien" half hurt the distance between us. I So badly wanted to close it.
" I hurt you." he clenched his fist and spun around so his body and face was facing me. He looked outraged but also like he understood.
I knew he probaly didn't understand. He was so oblivous to any thing that conserted him.
I slowly rose to my feet with my cardie wrap around me.
"I don't think you do. I know you don't do it not on perpears" I tried to make him feel better knowing I was causing him discomfort. I walked toward him offring my hand out. He put his hand out to stop me.
"Do I do it a lot" His face seem to get more pained as we went on.
I tried to find words that would stop his suffring or at least not cause any more pain.
"Well I haven't talk to you for so long, um...."I kept going on, because even though I hadn't talk to him it hurt the most.
"But like I said it not your folt, I normally bring it on myself. always causing trobale."
"Does it hurt know."he said hidding any emotion he had.
"tell me the truth"he said flatly.
"No,your not hurting me know. But I do feel horriable for making you feel this way. You have to believe that I'm normaly more annoyed at myself, for being so nieve all the time.
His fist were starting to shake.
"How long"he said fearsly rising his voice. "How long have you been blaming yourself for every thing. Tell me."he demaned.
Everything went blank. was I really doing that. Is that why he was mad at me.
"I don't know what your talking about."I whisped.
"Don't tell me you haven't noticed. It seems you do it when you think someone is mad at you or somthing ,and you feel you have to make it some how your folt. You do it all the time with me. like when we meet in the meadow, saying it was your folt for not stop me or when we had that argement in the car park early."his anger turning in to guilt and sadness. He walk slowly so he was in front of me. and then croched to the floor and coved his face.
"Do I really seem anger at you all the time." I didn't answer, he tuck the silence as a yes.
" Do you not see, stella I'm never anger at you. I just get fustrated at myself for making you pull such exprssions of hurt. I can't seem to help you."
"Darien"I said annoyed.
I went down to his level and moved both his hand and put my hands to his slender face.
" If thier was anyone out thier who has help me the most ,it would be you Darien. you saved me." I smiled" my I tell you my stroy of how you saved my soul."
He didn't say anything seem very supetacle.
So I started the stroy.
"You see all my life I've been alone, going from family to family. Like it was a common thing. But I never felt alone not once .I may have been sad and crying but never once did I truly feel alone." I smiled to myself rembering that feeling" However I don't know what happend or what changed but two years ago some time, that feeling dissapeared. Even though I never knew what stop me from feeling lonely I knew it had gone...for the next two years everyday became unbreable. I think I cried more then I ever did before. But after a year I began holding everything in not ever letting any of my emotion show. If you saw me you wouldn't have none I was suffring, I hid it very well. I put on so many fake smile it was so fony its sicking. Then I came here expecting nothing special. I stop looking for that preziens I once felt."I stopped for a breath.
"That when you appeared, when you all appeared. That when that once so familiar prezons appear before me. In the form of you and your family. But it seems know that the prezons is so much stronger. The only time I started to feel lonely again was when I stopped talking to you. but know with you here before me I feel so much more alive then I ever did before. Because before I felt like I was just watching life with out ever living. I need you. It a very selfish thing to say but it true. That my be one of the many reason I love you." I tuck my hand from his face and put them in my lap. not moving from his stare only thinking of how much I need his family, But more inportantly him.
I felt so much better getting that off my chest and I hope it made him feel good about himself, and how he saved me from the lonelyness.
"So you think that prezons was me." he asked.
"ummm. well It could have been but its just I have never felt it so strong like I do know. Also unlike then ,I can feel and touch it becuase I know what it is. But you can't have possiably been the preazons back then because I didn't know you then." I felt so embrassed about tucking about prezons and stuff with him but I felt I couldn't stop myself from telling him.
" so I saved you " he seemed pleased but not fully bought
"two years ago, you said,right." I could see he was seeing somthing I couldn't or thinking really hard because his forehand creased.
Then somthing hit me, thier was somthing I need to know, But I don't know If I wanted to hear it.
" So whos Stella " I only looked half intrest, but I really won't to know to know about the other Stella.
"your Stella" he looked puzzled.
" No ,you know... the one you mistuck me for when we meet. I'am just courius because the way that you hug me seemed like you really loved her,well that what it seemed like to me ." trying to hide the jeaoulos in my voice. not sure if it worked.
I could see he knew what I meant know, then I saw him try to hold back laughter.
" Oh her, um yes I do love here very much. It been awhile since I seen her. what do you want to know about her." still with amusment in his tone.
"nothing really it just wonded what she was like. you know since she looks like me and all." sounding unfazed
He got out of his croching perzsion and sat on the floor leg crossed.
" Well were should I begin. Well first of all she very kind hearted without trying to be. She very attractive and very popular with the boy. Also she has this amazing radions that seem to shine off her. and Is very brave and normally try to get throught thing on her own." His face was beaming with laugther , It half winded me." and very stubben
I compaired the personaltie from her to me. It didn't sound like me except the stubbeness.
" I don't know how you would mistake me for her. she sounds like and angel or somthing." the jeoules very clear in my voice know.
He couldn't wholed his laugther in any more.
"What. what so funny"
he touched my cheek with his hand. still shaking from a joke I had missed.
"are you jeoules of an angel" he seemed amused,again
Well yes, yes I'am I wanted to say,but didn't.
" So you thing that the Stella I know is an angel." I seemed to miss the joke.
"well the way you say it, it sound like she is one."
"I'll remember that."
I thought it would be best to change the topic, or I my hateried for this Stella get worse. Which would be unfair.
" So anyway, why did you dissied to move to Darrigton, you seem like you and your family could afford to live in Hollywood with those sport cars, so why come to, well here."
His grin just keep getting wider as I asked more questions.
"I guess it was becuase we found something we'de been looking for." Was thier somthing I was missing or somthing because there was nothing funny about that question.
"what was you looking for"I asked
He ignored my question, and asked his own.
"So meet anybody you like around here."
I just stared at him in amazment had he not listend to anything I said today.
"thats not me or my family" he added
"not really the girl at school are nice like Emily and Natalie but I'm normally more focused on some other people I know, Thier quiet intresting, you know" I grined at him.
"So are you, Stella" he rolled his eyes
"Not really" I said thrutly
He looked at me in dissaproval, I just shrugged.
"Its the truth, I don't even no why you and your family even talk to me."
"Stella, have you not notices that nearly everyone around you loves to be with you. I'd say all the people at school want to talk to you, it just your very intemeding. I'm sure someones told you." he seemed irrated.
I was was shocked, I sound just as wierd as what Emily said about me in the cafatria and what Amir had said to me in the cae park.
I just started to laught in hestrics.
"what so funny"he said
I tried hard to breath.
"I think everyone in Darrigton is delusionle, it really quiet funny. me pretty,yeah,of cause."
Darien pushed me to the ground with both arms around my rist's.
"Darrien" I squicked in a shocked tone.
His face was inch from mine, just like early this afternoon. His breath making me dizzy. I tried to get a grip.
" It seem you are the only one whos delusionle, Stella, You don't even know how very special you are. I can tell you for a fact that everyone you have meet, especial at school, is that you have lefted them all,breathless just by the radtions and beauty that come from you." What he said was just so redickcoius, he was discrabing what he did to people.
He sighted in fustriansion.
"your not going to believe me, are you. One of these day you will believe me. mark my words."
" I don't think I will ever believe a lie like that."
His face came closer and I was sure I'd faint in a seconds.
" Even if you don't believe that everyone feels that why. Thier is once thing that is undinayable. Your everything to me. Stella and that not a lie."
What was he saying of cause he was lying, he all ready made it clear he didn't love me. What was he doing. It made no sence.
I closed my eyes and started to try an riddle my way out from his hold.
"what a matter, is something wrong." He sound connserted.
I tried as hard as I could to get free. But it was useless. so I reseted my head back on the wet grass below me and keep my eyes surgily closed. Trying to even my breathing.
"Your lying, How can I possiably be your everything, If you don't love me. You all ready made it clear you don't love me. So stop messing with me. It not right.
"I never said I didn't love you" he sound mad.
That was pushing it to far. My eyes flow open with anger.
"Stop that know, how dare you say that. You all ready denayed my love. So don't say you love me. You may like me in a friend way I know that, but to say you love me is just sick. You don't love me, so stop this...this mockerie.Darien." my temp was going to go any mintue.
I lay thier trying to catch my breath, looking at him with rage burning ferstly in my eyes.
"let go of me Darien" I wimped
he tietend his grip, and tuck a deep breath.
"Stella, I guess I didn't make it clear or maybe I didn't even show you,but the only reason I said you didn't love me is because, you shouldn't love me It wrong. Someone like me shouldn't love, well you. If you knew, Stella, Oh if you knew. I shouldn't, can't love you. But yet I love you more then anyone could ever love someon, You could even call it painfull. I can't even put in to words. For so,so long, Stella. It been killing me to just watch. Countless time I've found myself just trying to hold myslef back from grabbing you in to my arms and touching those smooth pale lips. The way I want you is more of a need. Your entiery exzistens is like oxgen for me. I have fought against the need to touch you, feel your warm velvet skin across my finger tips." He moved his hand to my face and ran his cooled finger tips along my cheek bones, Then moving his hand so it was carddling the back of my hand. " Stella, I'm sick of fighting."
He looked deeply in to my eyes, The violent more clear in his eyes know.
His smooth lips parting mine, so gently. Not even the bravist of fighter could fight this of. His lips, his eyes everything about him was so unbearbly beautyfull, He was whole being couldbe used as a weapon, and I can be sure that this weapon would never miss a bullit to the heart.
Even know I wouldn't be able to tell you how long the kiss last or even when it stop. Because once I realzied it had stopped I was on Dariens back, Whilst he carried me through the forest,no longer in the meadow. It looked like we was heading back to my home.
"Oh, you finaly came back to earth"he said peering over his should at me, still walking.
"Oh , umm what happend"I said timidly, knowing it was going to be embrassing.
He just keep smilling.
"Was it that bad." I bured my face in his back
"No,no it not bad, but I can't denay its funny. you see when I finaly forcues myself from your lips, you seemed...well in a transe or shock, I guess you problay faint or somthing, even though your eyes were open. you just wouldn't responed like you wasn't even there, and it was getting late and I had to get you home. So I picked you up and gave you a piggieback." He sounds like he was having fun on my behalf.
I titend my grip around his neck. to tell him to stop, he halted.
"you..can put me down know, I'm sure I'm quiet heavy." I started to blush like my face was set on fire. I waited for him to drop me, in stead we started to move again.
"your not heavy at all." he asked simply.
I pulled on his neck and lifted myself up so I was at his ear.
"I can walk, Darien so please don't make me feel more stupid then I do know." I whisped, I felt his body go ridied, but we carried on moving.
"Knowing you, once I let go your collapes or something. So no I won't put you down." he was amused.
"Darien this is not about my stabilite, it more about how embrassed I feel know. I already fainted when you kissed me, and know your giving me a piggieback. It getting more sharmful by the mintue." I conplaied.
I seem to rething it and seem to see it my way. I steadly put me back on the ground, Only keeping fold of one hand. His eye full of joy.
"what" I wonded, while studing his face.
he shrugged and said.
" I have never been so happy in my wholelife that all."
I was bewiled
"That quiet a statement you know"