Two more days pasted and I saw no sign of surrend from him in the next couple of weeks. He looked totaly unfaised like he didn't care if I ever uterd another word to him again. I don't know why that came as a suprise to me its not like he cared.I knew that all to well. That why I tried to avoid him in the beging because he didn't see "Stella Knight" when he looked at me I knew he saw the other "Stella" the one he knew. The one he came running to hug only two weeks ago,the one who wasn't me.
Even if it didn't matter to him about the out come of this game it matted to me and this secert he wouldn't tell me was becoming less worthy at every passing day. So today would be the day I'd end this little game. Because I need him alot more then I need to know the stupid secert.
As the day went on I was preparing myself for want I would say. I already knew I would do it after school but I had to make sure I got to his car before him or catch him head out of class. It was a good plan because everyone was hurrying to get home so know one would bother to earwig on our converstion.
So as the last bell of the day rang its cheerful tune, I knew it was only the begining of my misson. Step one get out the door in to the hallway and throught the main door before I get crushed in a hord of teenages. It my seem easy but have you ever tried to do that knowing you were at the other side of the school. It was hopless but I need to give it a try.
I leap from my chair to the door. To give myself some extra power I pushed myself of the door frame and began to run down the halls. But I was to late thier was all ready tones of people piled up in the halls and I wasn't even close to the exit, it was already game over. I slowed down to a steady jog and then stopped to lean on one of the lockers and lifted my head up so I was looking at the high cealings.
I waited five mintues and then started to make my way to the car park.I walked the halls with no rush or care I would have to wait another day. I guess I didn't think it throught well enough. I should have taken in to a count the traffic in the halls.
A heavy push and I was slamb in to the wall. I felt my head hit the wall so I closed my eye for inpacked. When I hit I felt no sharp pain so I opend my eye. Only to find that I was trapped with to long arm rested on the the wall at both side of me. My gaze slowly moved steadily up the shoulder and then to the neck only to find a torn expression wash over the angels face.
I stood still not knowing what the right reaction shood be. I guess my mission was still on and I didn't even have to find him. Because he was all ready here.
I enhaled the scent of his skin that was mixed in with the air. Think to myself that if the air alway smelt like that I would forus myself to breath ten times as much as I do know. I let it roam in my lungs for a few more seconds and lifted my head to speck.
Just like before it happend to fasted I was pushed closer to the wall and his head fell on to my shoulder. silence filled the hall with all but my heart picking up pace.
I thought that the burning sensation in my face couldn't get any redder. Then he picked his head up so that his lip were at the very edge of my ear, oblivously I was wrong about the burning.
As my breath became worn and uneven he began to speck.
"why"he whisped,his breath sound pained
I wanted to ask what he was on about but all that would come out of my mouth would be dribble so I held the question back.
"do you enjoy this, stella" it seemed as he went on his breathing got harder as well.
He pushed me back even more to the wall, but keep his mouth at my ear. I was going to faint if this carried on.
"you stella are the cruelist person I have ever meet, and thats saying somthing."
"I really can't tell you the secret, if I did you would surly turn your back on me, I wouldn't have that"he sighed"but one of these day your have to know and I'm just trying to put it off. Even thought I know it not my chose to make,its yours stella."
I couldn't say any thing, every thing he was saying was not making any sence. What would be so horriable that would make me want to turn my back on him. I can tell you what,nothing thats what.
"please stella say something" his pleading was driving me crazy but before I could answer he pulled his head away from my ear. So that he could look me in the eye, or so I thought.
His cold, pale lip crushed them selves on to mine. Thier was so much fourcus drawn in to the kiss. So many fidden word that couldn't be said. I could feel myself losing my head and the heat was streaming throught all the cells in my body. I felt my lips move just as passionltly as his did trying to hold up on my own. I found myself grab his arm and shoulder just to keep myself stayble. His body was brushing against mine and then his lips forced themselves away from mine.
His lips my have gone but his face was still only inch from mine and his breath didn't help to clear my head or to stop me from tieing my grip on his arm to stop me losing my balances.
His eye were locked on mine, wide and full of thrill and exzilartion. But it slow became shocked and regreate for what had just acared.But the wideness in his eye didn't seem to dim down at any point.He pressed his lip together and moved his hand from the wall behand me. As the distance between us grow fever apart my heart rapidly got heavyer.
He ungriped my iron hold on his arm and shoulder with ease and took two step back so I was out of his reach. then he put his hand over his face and twisted his head away from me. His hand seemed to get tighter around his mouth and then lossened again.
"um I'am sorry about that it...was a mistake so just froget it" I could hear the roughtness in his voice as he spoke under his hand.
Without even taking one look back at me he started to walk to the stairs in the direction of the car park. As I heard his footstep quiten in sound. I stumbaled backward to find the my grip on the wall, onces my back was steady on the wall I let my body slip so I was on the floor with my leg's lifted up to my chest and both my hands cupped around my mouth and my eye squizzed shut in an hopless attemp to keep the mouisture from trickling down my redend face.
A mistake thats what that was, a mistake. What else did I think it was. huh how fowlish of me, to think he real wanted me. How unsightly. To think that I could fly with an angel.
I touched my lip with my finger.
Even if I deny it,it still happend, I can't rewind time. Even if I deny I liked it, I'd still be lying. Even if I deny wanting him to make another mistake like that, It still wouldn't stop me from dreaming about him.
I slowly got up gripping the wall behand me, not holding back the tears anymore. moving my body forward across the wall carrying myself in the direction he left in.
Why should I care if it was a mistake I still liked it.
Why should I care about the pain that would needlessly follow this. Because I knew the very first time I meet him I wans't going to care if my heart got crushed so that I can't breath again, as long as it was him that strock the final blow, I would happly lay my soul to rest. I already knew all that I just didn't want to admit that I had fallen uncontablie in love with an angel.
My feet my arms swinging in the air as I ran across the hall with all my migth. If I was shoot in the heart right know by an arrow, I would still run. Because living a life without him was worse then death.
I throw my self around the corner and bolting down the staries pushing the air out my way as I went along. Making everystep longer as I went on jumping from any thing that would give me that little extra push. Stumbaling as I went along never onces stopping even when on the floor I still forcues my way up while still moving.
The exit was in sight and I found some extra strenght to give me a sprit that would have one any one a marthon. As I reached the door frame I josting myself full on in to the the heal and rain which pound on the ground and what disscayied my tears in to rain drop that flaw past me whilst I ran. Making sure that if I slipped I would slip forward and get me closer to him.
As I entred the car park I instenly ran to were his car should be, where it always was. But the rain was so heavy know and it was hard to see from this distance. As I got closer I saw no car and more inmportanly no Darien. In a quick one-eighty turn I set my sights for the entrance of the car park. hoping I wasn't to late.
Even if I had to diffayer God and make my own rules of physhic I was going to make it and tell him. Tell him what I should have send at the beging.
"I love you"I whisped to myself as a ran throught the rain.
With every drop of rain that landed on my face I was getting near.
As I sprong one last step with everylast bit of enegy and hit the side of the brick wall, that I had walk passed so many times before.
I looked left and right checking if he was thier. I did it repeatly but it never changed, there were no sport cars here,actually thier was no cars at all. I was to late
I stubbaled one step forward and then my knee's collaped on to the stoney patherment and let the rain drop on me whilst I put my hand on the floor and try to steady my breathing. I didn't sucksied
I let my tears drop on the floor that was only a small distance from my head. I could feel my whole body trembling and my leg beging to feel swolen and broved. I could feel a stich agch at the side of my stumick, I moved my hand over it to stop the pain. My head was also humping in the misrable wet rain.
I had no thought of moving any time soon I didn't even think I'd go home untill late. I know I would see him tomorrow but my heart was already so close to snapping and if I waited it would snap. My wish for him to deal the final blow would be gone and I would forever walk this earth as a ghost or somthing along that line. I know that it may seem that I'm overreaching but I guess love never did make sence or so is said.
"Stella"his worried voice corested my body
That when I found the hidden strength in my leg and lunged my self in the direction of the voice. I was just a step away before I tripped in to his arms.
"Darien" I shouted as load as my worn and tired voice would let me.
He pulled me closer in to his chest and placed his hand on the top of my head. Then he moved his hand from my head and tucked it under my chin and lifted so that I was looking at him.
As he watched the tears run down my face I saw his eye go wide with fear.
"what happend to you"his voice got quite as he went on
I clung on to his chest and barried my head in his jacket.
"I difaied God" I half chuckled from my tears
I could tell how wierd that sound and I could here the confusion in his voice.
"stella your not making any sence" he gentle shaked me
I lifted my head from his chest and smiled a wide smile at him
"I found you, I finaly found you"
"what do you mean you found me I only just left you" he half flicked at the memory" he wiped a tear of my face.
"and why are you crying, is it becuase of what I did early becuase I'am sorry it was just a mistake.
My brows pulled together
I all ready knew it was mistake but did he have to keep telling me it.
"what"he said not seeing why I was mad
I sighed and tighed my grip,this was going to be embrassing to say.
"I know it was a mistake you made that clear already"
"So do you forgive me for that mistake"
hurt appear on his face
"well I guess I disserve it I mean..."
I cut him off
"Because thier nothing to forgive I don't care if it was a mistake or not. It doesn't matter. becuase mistake or not I really liked it." I tried to keep my face up but I could tell the blush on my face was appearing agian.
It seemed to take him awhile to catch on.
"What are you talking about....why aren't you mad at me for just kissing you like that." he looked at me in shock
"Why should I be"I shurgged
" Because I kissed you stella. and most people would have hit me by know. It was your first kiss stella and I stole it"
"Who would be mad if an angel had kissed them, I feel blessed" I moved one of my fingures to my lips again. "I guess it was my first kiss"I said indiffrent"How did you know that" I looked at him puzzeled.
Then realization reached his eyes so he turned his head away from me.
"It doesn't matter," Then he looked back at me with an angred face "and you should be mad, so if any stranger did that to you It be ok" his tone was very harsh." you shouldn't set your standeds so low." he added
"Of cause I wouldn't let a strange kiss me. It becuase it was you that it ok." I was fumming "and I don't set my stands low, actully you could say I've seat them why to high and when I say high I mean high."
He seemed to not be getting all the hints I was throwing at him, if this carried on I was going to have to spell it out for him.
"But why would it be ok with me, your not making sence" he still didn't get it.
So I pulled myself away so I could see most of his body and so I had some space. Then I looked him stright in the eye's fully focused on keeping them thier.
"Right it seems like you don't seem to get what I'am saying, you are the only person I will ever want to kiss, that why I let you kiss me becuase I wanted you to."I paused to see if he'd got it, he hadn't"Ok here goes" I tuck one last deep breath.
"I Love you" I said in a clear voice
I wacthed his face for a ver long moment but I couldn't pick out what his emotion was it was unreadable. that when I saw his face start to beam. It was so bright I could swear I would have gone blind. But then he coved his face with his had so I could see what was on his face.
"No Stella your wrong" he said flatly
What was he saying
"you can't tell me how I feel Darien"I grawled
With out blinking he had all ready got a hold of my chin.
"Yes I can Stella and let me tell you, You don't love me."
"No your wrong I do and always will love you, forever" I got up in his face.
"Stella, forever is a pretty big word"His I eye burned with raged
I could feel the tears coming back, why was he doing this all he had to do was say what he wanted to. he didn't have say I didn't love him. All he had to say was he didn't love me,so why.
I could feel the human rain drop run down my pale skin. I tried to move my chin but he would lossen his grip. So I just cried and when my blur vision final cleard up I could see his face.
It took my breath away in both good and bad ways. The beautiful face with the heartbracking expresion. It was a thing of beauty that I wanted to keep to myself I didn't want any one else to have this master pieces. Nobody.
I putted both my hands over my eyes and tried to hide the cracks in my voice.
"hee" I tried to laught "I'm so sorry, I hate doing this to you, but I guess I do it any way" I wiped my tears and put on a big smile "I guess I should just keep it to myself, I shouldn't have put my problems on to you, that wasn't fair of me. So I'm sorry. Its just for the past twelve days I kept wanting to talk to you, but I guess it didn't bother you I'ver way. So today I was going to tell you that I didn't care about the secret. So I came looking for you after school but then you found me and...."I didn't have to say what happend next because he already knew.
"But know matter what you say I do love you, that won't change. So stop making up exquesce it ok you can just come out and say it, it not like I don't know" I tried to losen my grip on his chest. so that I was ready when he said it.
So as I moved my hand away I also step back a pace.
That what I didn't exspect. Darien had grab my left arm and started dragging me along. We were know out of the school grounds and were walking in the direction of my house.
"Darien where are we going, your not taking me home I want yot to let you"I demanded.
He stop so suddnly I walked stright in to his back, It felt like I'd walk in to a wall. I looked up not able to see his face.
"You should have just wanted to be my friend, it shouldn't have gotten like this."
"I don't know what your saying.....It like you were planning to meet me or something."I tried to see his face but he stopped me.
"Why stella,why do you love me, answer me that." his harsh tone matching his face
Even thought he asked me I can't answer I didn't know myself why because I couldn't single it down to a one reason the same as I couldn't explain it in words. But I knew every part of my being knew it, so why couldn't he see it.
"huh as I thought there is no reason"A smile creeped on his face, not a happy one it, thier was no other word for it ,fake that what it was."I'm sure all you feel for me is just lust,Stella which is normal for humans. your only young."as he spock I could feel,shock engolf my wet face, but he tuck it the wrong way."you see know,don't you, Stella all it is...."
In a matter of second my cooled, fragile hand had hit his cheek with so much fourcs I could feel my hand thrubbing. I hand to stop him from say those ludicrouse thought at once.
I don't think my slap had damaged him physicly like it did me but I sure hoped it had damaged his ego. Lust is that the best he could come up with.
"fine if you don't believe what I say, then fine"I was whispring whilst looking at the floor trying not to think about what he just said.
"thats fine but....but" I could feel myself losing it as I stutted on." But you don't have to mock me" I spat the last worlds out in a loud groar. I didn't know I could go so loud. It wasn't smart right know for anyone to cross me, not know. I had all gun's blazing and prives game of paintball, I had made me a pretty mean aimer.
I need to cool of, I had to go some where, anywhere I hate this, shouting at him. But he need to see the truth but all he did was over look it. It seems he didn't know that can real broze someone.
I stormed past him like wild fire. If this carried on he would surly hate me. I didn't want that. So I brought myself to the conclstion that he wasn't going to change his mind. He knew what he wanted to hear and he wan't going to listen to reason.
So I set my cause for the empty meadow at the back of the house. I don't know if it was a smart idea knowing that I would have flashback from a weak ago when he had so egalie ran in to my arms. But It was a place I found santwury or at lister a place to cry alone.
As I walked along the slippey footpath, I could here why footstep but also his. He was walking behand me. probaly three feet from me. This wasn't a good time to be around me for any one, never mind him.
I was just on the corner of Queen's lane and I was ready to make dash for it as soon as I was around the corner. I knew all to well I couldn't out run him but maybe he would get the hint and back off for know. I didn't want to slap him again. But he was asking for it.
once around the croner I started a sprint and as expected he pulled me back by griping on to my cardie and then pulling me back so I was at his side.
"What are you doing, are you really trying to unleash a demon on yourself. What wrong with you" I carsed
" I'm walking you home, and I don't think you could even turn in to a goblin never mind a demon." I was kind of flatted but that soon was crushed by my anger.
"I can walk myself home, I don't nead a blind person walking me home" I thought I'd throw that that last bit in thier.
"Blind, I don't thing I've ever beem blind, stella"
I couldn't tell if he was messing or if he really didn't get it. I gave him the benfit of the dout.
I put my hands on my head. judging by his expresion he wans't going to let me go home without him walking me to the door. But I wans't planning on going home so he could't possiably walk me home.
I removed my hand and a smile crossed my face.
"I'm not going home"I said
"So were are you going then" by the tone of his voice he sound worried.
I walked passed him and started walking.
"I'm going to the forest, you know to the meadow you first saw me at. I need to clear my mind or at least relax"I paused"or cry." I laught at the end.
He put his hand on my shoulder,still walking.Its shameful but a chill ran down my spine when he did that.
"I think you should go home"It was more of an order then a request.
"I like the forest, In the forest I don't have to pretend."
He seemed puzzled by my answer
"pretend, pretend about what" He seem fustrated but I don't think it was directed at me.
" I don't know why I'm telling you this" way was I so open with him. even if I did love him I shouldn't say these kind of crazy thinks.
He seemed really curios when I snuck a peek at his face. He was looking at me not takeing his eye offen me.
"umh well. I don't have to pretend I'm ok. that why"
His grip on my shoulder tighten, I stop to see what was wrong.
"do you always cry by yourself" I could see him imging it. then he winsted.
" yeah I always do " I could he the sorrow seping out of my voice.
We stood there In complient silence. Only the noise of the blackbirds and onc of the local dogs barking to be heard.
He was the first to breck the silence.
" my I join in the meadow" His eye burning in mine. how could I say no.
"well it just"I pounde for a seconde.
He moved his hand down my arm so he could take fold of my hand. I lost my track of thought.
"Stella, please"he swized my finger tips.
But what if we started fighing agian I didn't feel like I could handle it if it happened agian.
He lifted my chin so he was looking me right in the eyes.
"The truth is I want to get to know you, and how you feel."
He wanted to get to know me, that what he wanted. That would mean I could get to know him as well. Also I'd be totaly alone with him. Maybe a mircale will happen and he'll see he really does love or at least likes me.
Its been quiet awhile sinces someone ask me that, acturally nobody ever ask me that. I notice that know body at school ever ask me about my life or my personle like and dislikes. Did people just perzom I had a nice life.
For once I wanted someone I could tell my life to even if it was boring or horriable. Just that one person. Just Darien
I smiled to myself, just Darien ,that sounds nice.
So as stubben as I was I turned a way with a grin I couldn't get rid of, his hand still in mine.
"I guess that ok".
We walk stright on with out saying another word, But it wasn't a urquied silence, It was acturally quiet pleasent and carming. So as we walked throught the rain,that had still not let up. I started to think how great it would be if that empty meadow, population of one ,may have finaly found the person who would stay in the meadow and not dissapear into the tree that seprated her from the rest.
Someone who would hold my hand.