It is so odd when you find that you have spent so long staring at a bathroom wall you actually know the pattern of the tiles of by heart. It's kind of disconcerting in an embarassing sort of way. It's not something you bost about, but I'm assured by Jason that when he first started treatment, it was exactly the same thing, I have also been promised that it passes. If not completely, partly.
Today, despite the pattern of tiles been engraved on my memory, has been a good day. I actually have a little colour in my cheeks, plus I've been told I'm now halfway through.
You know when you're in a really long tunnel and you reach that space just as you get your first glimps of light? It might be a trick of the light, but your sure its daylight? Well that's where I'm at with my treatment.
It feels good, that first bar of sunshine on my face. It feels almost liberating, I managed to walk to the Playstation instead of be wheeled, that in itself feels a huge step.
Mam also gave me another reason to feel positive.
She came in, all bright and bubbly as always, smelling of Paris perfume, a comforting aroma that always makes me feel that little bit better. Sitting down, she glanced around the ward, it was bright today, the curtains pulled back from the windows, the sun flowing in long bares through the room.
"How are you pet?"
"I'm ok, better today."
"Yeah, we're half way..." She had this excited glisten in her eye that I new there was something good coming. "Julie, you know we're proud of you, don't you?"
Not quite knowing where this was going, I agreed that I did.
"Well, we, me and your dad, think that you might need something to get you through the final stretch...Something to look forwards to."
"Really? I mean, are you sure...what if?"
"What if's aren't for the young!" exclaimed my mam.
"So..."I grinned, "What is it?"
"A surprise is what it is, a good one, I promise!" She grinned and kissed me on the nose and then changed the subject.
So for the rest of the day, my mind was no longer on the bathroom tiles that I often found myself cooling my head on after a period of vomiting, instead it was making up different scenarios...Holidays, Shopping Trips...A Dog?? I had always wanted a dog, but mam and dad had never believed my promises of taking care of it.
Jason and I discussed it alot, comparing different dreams for the future.
Now that the bars of light were warming my face and now that In was nearing the end of the tunnel, I felt there was a future to look forwards to.