Today is the beginning of the serious stuff. Today my bubble of normality I had slowly managed to build was being well and truly popped.
Today is the first day of treatment.
I am sitting in this little room, waiting for Dr. Khan to appear and talk me through everything. It's weird how it such times of trouble and drama, it's the small things you worry about, or notice.
Like the plaster is slightly cracked in the room and I wonder if anyone has noticed yet and are going to fix it. Also, I cna hear the water fountain is dripping and I think someone should DEFFINETLY fix that, cause what if there's a flood? I mean, all of these pooly people, cancer patients mainly, all young as well, will be booted out on the street and what then?
See how I refer to the patients as them?
I'm not one of them yet.
I'm still me, not patient number whatever on ward whatever.
But, as the clock keeps ticking I know that it's all coming. I'm terrified of needles and I hate hospitals, always have, since my first trip to Casualty, when I was four and I broke my wrist. It must have been a sixth sense or something. Mam is clinging onto my hand and dad is pacing the room, every so often sitting down only to stand up and pace a moment later.
The night before we had a paarty, me and my five closest friends, all curtesy of Lee. It was all pink feather bowers, face masks and the girliest movies we have ever seen.
I can honestly say it took my mind of it and I was so tired afterwards that I fell asleep quickly without tossing and turning, mind raising. They stayed until the morning and we had sausage sandwiches in true sleep over style and then everyone left.
Lee stayed until last and promised he would visit me in a few days, I wasn't so sure that was a good idea. The hairless beast I was sure would be awaiting him, was not one I wanted the world to see.
When they were all gone and it was only me, mam and dad, the house felt so quiet that it was almost eerie. The quiet clung like long fingers to my skin, the air seemed to only be punctuated by whispers of what was to come.
And so, here I sit, mind racing, totally terrified of what the unknown holds for me.
"We're ready for you now."
I brace myself.