It all started yesterday, it all came running at me like a bull seeing red. Suddenly I wasn't just me, Julie Grey, your normal teenager, suddenly I was somebody else completely, but at the same time, I had no clue who that person was.
The room felt stuffy despite the wide windows being open and there was this weird buzzing from the fan on Dr. Khans desk top. I looked at my mam, knowing my eyes to be wide, confused and tainted with fear. Did this meen my life was all over? I was meant to be starting college in September and then I would be going to University. Everyone agreed I had a bright future ahead of me, but the word 'CANCER' hung in the air, bright red, hot, burning, destroying.
I felt my shoulders slump. The air pulled from my lungs by some clawing creature I couldn't see.
Have you ever been in that situation?
If you haven't, you can't imaging what if feels like, this sudden weight crushing you, your shoulders being pushed to the earth, your chest being supressed by the fact that no matter which way you look at it, this COULD BE THE END.
I am sixteen years old, today, the day after my tests results, I have been sixteen for a whole week. The week seems long, sprawling out behind me like a ghostly black train. My birthday party was the last time I felt weightless, happy and carefree. The day after it had all begun.
Dizziness, sickness, exhauston. We put it down to simply being tired after weeks of excitment, but then after three days mam had forced me to the doctors.
Then, only three days after that, after bloodtests and there was a scan and the results were rushed through.
Not just CANCER.
So I was sitting there, all of this sinking in, my first instict was death. There was no other way I could look at it. I would lose my hair from Chemo, no more parties, my friends would forget about me, then I would die.
But then the doctor said, calmly and with this kind look in his eyes which was actually reassuring, "We're going to help you through this. Through it Julie. It's going to be all right. It'll be a fight, but we'll get there."