I don't know where this story is going or how it will end. I have no plan and no direction so I hope it all ends well!
I want to find someone to write to. Not to talk to. To write to.
Someone who can understand me yet does not even know who I am, that is, they do not know me. They do not know the clothes, the laughter or the accent but they do know my thoughts, my ramblings and how utterly insane I am. I want to write to them for years yet to never actually meet. I want a life completely separate from them. A relationship. A family. I want them to know of it but for it not to truly matter.
In short I guess I want a purely intellectual relationship with someone and I think the way to get that is letter writing. I want to be able to write love letters and for them to be able to write back about the weather. For it not to matter what you say because nothing could ever really come of it.
I want to know that handwriting better than any of my friends. I want the only solid information about them that I am sure of to be the postage stamp. I want to know about their life and about their deepest secrets and I want them to know that about me. Well, all but one secret.
I want to talk about philosophy and the past and the future. I want to be in love with the shadow of a person and for them to never become a reality.
I want to talk about that consuming passion. I want to vent and rant and scream. I want someone who can never hurt me as she did. I don’t want that heartbreak. I can't have that heartbreak. I know that if I had to live through that again it would destroy me.
In short, I want someone who can help me get over her.
I want someone to help me get over Silja.