My head was split open in agony, the bed did nothing for the knots in my back. The pain in my brain kept growing as the salty tears from my eyes touched my lips. I'm so sorry, Mommy, I thought. She wasn't there next to me though and I panicked, she'd been here when I'd woken up earlier.
I pressed the button that called the nurses'. A black man came in right away in his blue scrubs and helped me get some water and another pillow. Another man came in with a white jacket and scribbled on the chart at the foot of the bed. "Hey Noah, how're you feeling?" He held up a chart with the 'in-pain' smiley faces. I pointed to the six. "Well we're going to try and make you as comfortable as possible, but I'm not going to put you on pain medication for obvious reasons." I grimaced, confused. Why couldn't I have pain medication?
The white board I could use to communicate with was on the little tray table I picked it up and wrote my message, 'Where's my Mom?'
"She went home to go get some stuff, she said she'd be right back." The male nurse spoke up. I breathed easy now, but it still didn't ease the pain inside of being alone right now, I didn't want to be alone. More tears and the nurse patted my back and sat with me. The doctor made his exit. "If you need somebody to talk to...my brother is a psychologist. He'd be more than happy to help. While you're in here, you can talk to me as well. Nobody should go through this alone." I remembered when I'd go to my old psychologist before we left Langston, it'd been a long process, a needed one. She'd helped me through so much. The nurse took out a card and handed it over. "Tell your mom to call him, he's very good."
'Why am I here?' I wrote, my brain wouldn't let me remember what'd taken place after I'd gone home. I remember looking at myself in the mirror, after that I took my medicine, but they were prescribed, after the attack, I'd always had to use them.
"You O.D.'d on your leftover pain pills. We even lost you for a couple minutes. Your mom has been in hysterics. But, she calmed down after you were stable for a few hours, sleeping off the medicine. You tried to kill yourself Noah." My eyes grew wide as I looked at my hands. No, I couldn't have done that, I know my depression kicks on and takes over, but killing myself? I was lucky to be alive! I breathed, nodded. Made peace with it.
"No?" Mom came in and walked to my side. "There's someone here to see you, he said he's from your school?" I nodded and held out my hand to the door, she fetched him. I knew exactly who it was, I'd only made one friend at school yesterday.
"Noah!" He held out flowers to me, I raised my eyebrow in comical disbelief. Then I broke out into a grin. "Claire bought them for you, she said to tell you she's sorry." The nurse walked out and my mom sat in his place.
"Sorry for what?" She asked.
I let out a small sigh and rubbed my eyes, waiting for what was to come.
"My father was out of line yesterday. There were things said and feelings hurt, it was my fault for bringing him over. My dad doesn't know Noah from eve, so he should have no bearing on what Noah felt but obviously..." He looked at my for the next part, "Noah, I should have stuck up more for you. I'm just...scared of him. I'm sorry." I bowed my head and took his hand and shook it.
'Okay.' I signed. Nixon smiled, but I could see the terror behind his eyes. The worry.