Twenty Pounds and an Empty StomachMature

It starts with an ending, it ends with a beginning.
There is only one way to stop puking.
Ever wondered how you could end what you ignore?
It starts with the soul.

Heugh, bleugh!!!

I heaved up my guts for the fourth time. The imaginary sick bucket was almost full. I wiped the remaining vomit off my chin with an imaginary wipe handed to me by the figure.


"Now tell me ____, why did you throw up this time."

'Homelessness, it tastes like homelessness.'

"Really? That's a new one."

'Oh shut up.' I replied, weakly. I didn't have the strength to even shout, I knew "         " would interpret me right.

"No need to get like that with me, I'm just here to make you see sense."

'So what are my options this time? How do I make it stop?'

"You know you'll never make it stop _____, the only way for you to at least learn to handle the taste is to experience it for yourself."

'What do you mean? Are you going to make me homeless, or am I going to help someone homeless?'



The taste is gone at the moment. Thank "         ". But of course I'm feeling something more common now, something I've been feeling for quite some time now.


"Here's your wage for the week, £20, given by the government it seems, just arrived in the post. Your name for now it seems is Ben, you're 19, if you fancy checking out your appearance then go look in the mirror. Count yourself lucky that you've even got an apartment, you could be living on the streets."

'So are you saying this time that this is your doing?'

"Of course I'm not. You don't need to know, that's irrelevant. I mean it's obvious that I can watch, to see your progress, and to be fair at the moment you're not doing great, but you're learning, which is good. Your starting to get the hang of it it seems. You didn't do well at starvation, nor case example one of social isolation, but that's okay, think of this one as a individual combination of both."

'So what's step one?'

"Realise the goal, the personal one for you, the wider one for the subject, you solve a part of the immediate problem not only for you but for others, you solve a part of the wider one..."

_____ droned on and on. I started to take in my surroundings. The wallpaper was a light cream sort of colour, peeling of course. There was a single bed, plain covers, a lampshade next to it. The light probably wouldn't turn on. Opposite a stove, a small counter-surface with a microwave oven. Of course, perfect for these infamous 'pot-noodles' I'd heard about.

'And the end goal?'

"I've told you that before. End it all. It's up to you to interpret what exactly that means, and you have time. Well actually you don't. None at all. The longer it takes for you to end it all, the longer the pain will remain and grow, for each new human/animal that is born, for each one that experiences any pain, new or old. For now it's in the form for what humanity would consider pain being homelessness. Now, are you ready?"

'You sick bastard.'

"Why are you using a term like that to try and personify me? I do find you highly amusing sometimes ______."

'Because you're what they would call the Devil.'

"Oh on the contrare, I am the idealist, you are the the practitionist. Of course you're also the idealist as well, you're the revelation, you're the way to change the world in a more hands on approach."

'Leave me be.'

"Until you call for me then."     

And "           " was gone.

I am _____. I have no name, no age, no constant physical body in which I can exist.

I am an entity of some sort. I know that much.

I have an aim, a goal.

To end human suffering.

It will never happen. I never succeeded. This is an account of how I tried and failed.

"          " keeps telling me that there was something I missed, something that if I had factored into the equation, something that I had ignored for so long because it carried almost all of the pain, something that if I had used, I would have truly flourished....

My soul.

The End

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