Journey through a Childhood

4 years old when there’s the first news that she’s depressed, his dad’s crying, she’s locked in a bathroom. Upset. 
5 years old when she runs away for the first time. Is it his fault?
6 years old when he finds first vodka bottle. Confused.
7 years old when he comes home from school, she’s passed out on the couch, vodka bottles surrounding her. Confused. Upset. Angry. 
8 years old, she’s drunk, falls down the stairs. Funny Breathing. He’s scared. Crying. Dad’s kneeling by her. Bringing her to. Oh God. Let her be ok. Please.
9 years old he crawls under the oil tank looking for a football. Finds six, empty, vodka bottles, Futility and depression hidden under a smile. Dad can’t see him upset. He’s got enough on his plate.
10 years old she’ll quit tomorrow, Hope, Happiness.
10 years old 2 months, she kneels down crying. Cousin is Dead. Drowned. He’s empty. Things really going to get better? 
11 years old, she promises “I haven’t drunk for three days are you proud?” he nods. Later finds two half empty bottles beneath her bed. 
12 years old Granddad dies. Now she feels lost. 
13 years old. She’s sober. Hopeful. Finally hopeful. 
14 years old. Hiding from them, Locked in a toilet. Crying. Scared.
15 years old first girl. So. Damn. Happy.
15 years, 8 months. She broke his heart. His best friend isn’t there anymore. With Her. Doesn’t know where to go. Runs from home. Is found. Curled up. Praying to a God he didn’t believe in that the pain would just leave.
16 years old. Just over her. GCSES. New girlfriend. Guides her through abortion. Guides her through life. Saves her.
16 years. 6 months. Leaves him. Once again. Broken beyond belief. Maybe he isn’t meant to be happy?
17 years old. First step to his future starts in his bedroom. Dark. Quiet. T.V. on. No-one watching. He just wants to be loved. 
18 years old. Full cycle. Locked in his room. Vodka bottles surround him. He’s slowly going. 

Worst part is. No-one will miss him. 

Smile at someone. Might save their life.

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