Some say the truth is a necessary asset in life, others would disagree. When and how should the truth be told? You go through life, always telling the truth, but never really understanding the consequences of it. Another goes through life, always lying, never once speaking the truth, and facing harder consequences than it would have been if they told the truth from the beginning.
My life was a jumble of both lies, and truth. Both my parents never understood the concept of truth and lies. They spoke the truth when unnecessary, and spoke lies when it wasn’t necessary, either. I, however, had to learn on my own, without my parent’s guidance to tell me which was right, and which was wrong; I walked through high school blindly.
By the time I had turned 18, I walked among my friends as if I were brought up with them. They were kind, friendly, and inviting. Although, to the popular groups, they were the “geeks” of the school, I hadn’t known this, but if I had, would that have stopped me from befriending them, and then, losing their trust and friendship at the end of it?
For once in my life, I wanted to feel accepted, and appreciated. So much, that, I went out of my league to be accepted among the most popular girls within the school. I wanted to feel loved by the girls, and awed by the boys. I, myself, didn’t find myself pretty, but the girls thought I was.
“Hey,” says Stacy Mulley (the cheer captain) to another cheerleader “isn’t that the new girl that just transferred in?”
“I think so,” answered Kelly Blake. “I believe her name’s Katrina Williams.”
“She’s got nice long, blond hair,” Matt Ferrell (the football captain, who’s Stacy’s boyfriend) compliments.
I know it’s wrong to listen in on other people’s conversations, but I can’t help it. They are talking about me. I want to walk up to them, and confront them about talking about me, but I don’t. I can’t, it would be near impossible to ask them why they were talking about me. Suddenly I see a hand in front of my face waving.
“Hello, earth to Kat.” Molly, (my best friend) jokes, “Anyone home?”
I shake my head, “Yeah, sorry.”
“What’s with you?”
“I don’t know. I guess everything’s changed since I’ve been gone.”
“Oh yeah,” boasts Molly, “tons has changed. You were gone for what, five years?”
“Something like that. I can’t believe the weather here.”
“It’s not that cold.”
“When you live in B.C. for nearly five years, and then move back to Alberta, it’s kind of cold to you.”
“Meh, so what class do we have first?”
“Molly, this isn’t junior high anymore, we have different classes.”
Molly was bouncing from heel to heel, up and down, suddenly she stopped and frowned. “Oh yeah,” I heard her sigh, “I forgot. Shit. Oh well, so what class do you have first?”
“Biology, then math, I hate math so much, ugh.”
“Better you than me. Oh damn, the bells going to ring, I guess I’ll see you at lunch in the cafeteria?”
“Yeah, see you then I suppose, and oh, Molly?”
“Say hi to Mike for me will you?”
“Will do, you have fun dissecting frogs and fish eyes… and nasty crap.”
“Oh, I’ll have tons of fun.”
“I’ll bet you will.”
I watch as Molly cheerfully walked down the hall, greeting each and every teacher that walked past her. When she had disappeared out of my sight, I opened my locker, and grabbed my Biology text book, my damned binder was so heavy, and then the added weight of the text book made it even heavier. Closing my locker, I turned around, my head down, to avoid anyone’s eyes; I walked forward and bumped into a boy. My binder and text book was now sprawled all over the floor.
Looking up, I flushed red when I seen who it was that I bumped into, it was Matt Ferrell, “fuck,” I whispered to myself, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he smiled at me, “you’re… Katrina Williams right?”
“It’s Kat,” it had come out more rudely than I had intended for it to.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you or anything.”
“No, you didn’t. It’s okay.”
“Here, let me help you pick these up.”
He and I picked the pages and my binder components up; he handed them to me, smiled, and then walked down the hallway disappearing from my sight. “Oh what am I thinking?” I ask myself, “I have no chance with him.” I realized that I was now late for my Biology class; I quickly scurried to my class, and sat myself far away from the popular group. That was the last thing I needed right now, was to be embarrassed any further.
The girls among the group all sat in their chairs, looking displeased by my presence; some of them even giggled and snickered when I walked past them. Stacy, however, made no emotion, or at least no emotion that I could read on her face. She was blank-faced when our eyes made contact. They were all so gorgeous, with their bleach-blonde hair, gently straightened to hang behind them, they wore more makeup in one day then I’d ever worn in my whole life. The clothes they wore though. Damn, they were skimpy, but also so very cute. They all wore short, pink skirts, bellybutton shirts, with spaghetti straps, and high heels. I’d do anything to be accepted among their group, but of course, I knew I would never be pretty enough to be considered a part of their group.
The Biology teacher, whose name was apparently Mr. Jerrod Miles, looked up at me, with a confused look in his eyes, “and you are miss?”
I hadn’t a chance to speak, Stacy spoke before me, her tone wasn’t soft or friendly, it was a harsh tone, “her name’s Katrina Williams.”
I managed to murmur, “Its Kat.”
“Meow” I heard one of the girls laugh as they meowed, as if they were a cat.
I shot a glaring look at the girl; she stared back at me with the same annoyed, pissed off look in her eyes that I had seen while I walked past her. Damn, this was going to be harder than I’d expected.
After class, I had walked up to Stacy, and her “posses”, and finally, I decided to confront them, “what the fuck is your problem with me?”
“You’re the freak of the school now, didn’t you know?”
“Freak of the school? How the fuck did I achieve that goal?”
“Oh,” Stacy boasted, “just the way you dress. Is that how they dressed in B.C.? Where did you go to, Geeks R Us Institute?”
Flaming red, my face now crimson red, I couldn’t believe how much she pissed me off, I wanted to strangle her right then, and there. But I don’t. “Oh, fuck you. You don’t even know me.”
“That’s right,” volunteered one of the girls among the group, “and we don’t want to know you, either.”
“Good,” I managed to spit out, “I wouldn’t want you to know me.”
“Now, now, girls play nice.” When had Matt arrived? “Be nice to Kat, she’s new.”
“Actually I’m a returning student.”
“Is that so?” I heard laughter in Stacy’s voice, “c’mon dear, let’s not waste any more time on this poor lost soul.”
And with that, her and her posses, including Matt, departed, leaving me standing in the hallway, dumbstruck. Matt seemed like such a nice boy, but yet he was with a bitch like Stacy.
That night, when I arrived at home, I walked into the bathroom, meaning to go for a shower, but I stopped at the oversized mirror, and stared at the image that reflected back at me. Why was I even concerned about what they thought about me? I never cared before, when I was in B.C., I had barely any friends because I stuck to myself most of the time, I really didn’t want the challenge of making new friends, and making the relationships stick.
I did, however, have a boyfriend. We broke up though when I decided to move back to my father’s house in Calgary. He had said that he didn’t want to do a “long-distance relationship”, said that it would be too tough. I agreed to an extent, I told him I still wanted to keep in contact with him in case I ever decided to move back to my mother’s, he told me no. Told me that it was over, and that we could never be together again, that we were meant to be together for a short few years, and then split on our own ways. I was heartbroken, but I’ve learned to accept it.
The image that had reflected back at me was that of a pale girl, I looked sad, depressed even. No makeup smothered on my face, I wore black tight jeans, a white t-shirt, and a baggy grey sweater. I looked like I had been stuffed away in a closet for most of my life, and then let out into the world with only a general idea of what the fashion was like.
The next day, I decided not to go to school, I told my father that I was sick, and needed to go to the doctors. He simply called my school for me, and said that I was excused. I thanked him, and told him that I was going to the doctors, (which of course, was a lie), but I wasn’t about to let him know that. I had an agenda on my mind, new clothes first, a new haircut, maybe I would even get blondish-white highlights, and then, I was going to get my bellybutton and tongue pierced. Makeup was also needed, eye shadow, eyeliner, mascara, and cover-up foundation.
I spent nearly six hours shopping; I had to wait almost an hour to bring all my shopping bags inside the house. I had to wait until my father left for work, when he did I went outside and grabbed all my shopping bags, and brought them directly to my room. Both my tongue, and bellybutton hurt like hell, but I knew it would be worth it in the end.