Shannon sucks because she's "too busy babysitting"Mature

DUUUUDEESSSSS, I'm so freakin' bored right now.

The Doctor (ninth gen., of course) was able to stabilise his TARDIS and quickly land it before it exploded.

“Where the hell am I?!” he said, in his exceedingly Northern accent.

The TARDIS had been on its way to Naboo (The Doctor had gotten very excited when finding out that the planets George Lucas had based his infamous saga on had been real), when suddenly the whole machine shook and then went out of control, flying in all the wrong directions and creating several black holes in its path, until The Doctor was finally able to land it... here.

He walked around for a bit, walking past loads of... what looked like giant golf balls sticking out of the ground. But the further he went, the weirder it got. Every car park he walked past, he noticed nearly everyone in this city drove ’67 Chevy Impala’s, or they had Vespa’s. And when he looked up, he swore he saw the Millennium Falcon. And was that a moon, or...

So he did land on one of the Star Wars planets, then, but which one? He didn’t recall seeing any of this, not even in the Extended Universe.

He decided to keep walking around, looking for clues. If only Sherlock was here, he thought, he’d know what was going on. Just as he thought this, he turned a corner and suddenly ended up on Baker Street?

“What is going on?!” he yelled, to no-one in particular.

Suddenly, a cab pulled up beside him, and out stepped... Moriarty?

“What are you doing here, Jim?!”

The consulting criminal looked bewildered for a second, and then laughed. “Hah, yeah okay. Sorry, ‘Doctor’. Listen, you need to come and see The Creator, she needs to speak to you.”

“Who is this Creator, one of your evil affiliates? Maybe you’ve replaced Sebastian? Or are you talking about Irene...”

Moriarty stopped and looked at him... and then suddenly it dawned on him. “You’re... you’re the actual Doctor! Okay, I have no idea how you got here, but you need to come see The Creator immediately...”

“I refu—“

The Doctor was interrupted as ‘Moriarty’ pulled a banana out of his bag, and waved it in front of The Doctor, who followed him until he was sat in the cab.

“Can I have that banana?”

Once he’d finished it, he was no longer distracted, and watched out his window. As they pulled out of Baker Street, then drove onto somewhere which looked exactly like Dantooine. In the distance he saw a castle... or was that Xavier’s School for Gifted Mutants. Where the hell was he?

He drove past various Pepsi Max factories, and then he saw...  a TARDIS? No, it must be an ordinary police box...but just as he thought this, he saw a couple open the door and sure enough, it was identical to his.

They stopped outside of Stark Industries. ‘Moriarty’ looked at his watch.


Out of nowhere, Hans Zimmer’s Now We are Free started playing. It lasted for a minute, and then it faded out.

Gladiator... nice,” muttered ‘Moriarty’. Then he led The Doctor up the tower to see... The Creator.

As he entered The Creator’s office, he couldn’t help but notice how many cans of Pepsi Max there was. Then, he saw her.

The Creator was... a 16 year old girl?

“Doctor,” she said, “how did you find this place?”

The Doctor was too shocked to say anything.

“You’re probably wondering where you are?” she said. She came out from behind her desk, and revealed that he had a wheelchair, much like Charles Xavier’s?

“You are in Viki-land. Here, we are blocked off from the rest of the universe, only fandom is allowed here. This world was created by me, Viki. This is my husband, Andrew Scott.” She directed to ‘Moriarty’.

“You’ve somehow found a loophole, and broken out of TV-land.” Then she turned to ‘Andrew’ and muttered, “Make sure Chris, David and Matt don’t find him, they might get a bit... confused.”

“I’m sorry,” the Doctor interrupted, “but where am I?”

“Viki-land - the best world evER. Robert Downey Jr and Hans Zimmer are Gods of this world, James McAvoy is king, and so is Michael Fassbender. Richard Speight Jr is an archangel, more specifically the archangel of Pepsi Max and happiness, and throws it at people when they’re feeling down...” The Doctor suddenly remembered how much Pepsi Max he’d seen in her office. “Maj. Damian Lewis and Capt. Misha Collins have complete control over our army (of mutants), and we have complete social equality, except for the Irish, Scottish and Welsh classes, who automatically are just better than everyone else.” She paused briefly to drink some Pepsi Max.

“If there’s social equality,” said the Doctor, “then why do you need an army?”

“What’s the point in TV and Movies if there’s no war to inspire it?” answered The Creator. “World Peace is stupid, just think about how much worse our lives would be if there hadn’t been war.”

“Wow this shit is gettin’ pretty serious we should end this soon, besides, Shannon’s babysitting and therefore isn’t even online right now,” said Andrew.

The Creator sighed. “But I’ve never been good at endings!”

“What about if we all break into song?”


And then the whole population (528491 citizens, and if you understand that number then your training is complete) all assembled outside, and simultaneously began to sing;

“Well I’ll be honest I don’t really understand, but I fell down this hill, now I’ve got glue on my hands...”

The End

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