It only took eighteen steps to transition from the lonely boy walked out on to the man in lust I had become. I watched closely as this man, I now knew I would never be without, walked casually from the doorway of the apartment three steps, dropping his leather coat on a chair in the middle, and another four to a small glass hutch on the other side of the room it was cold in here as well and I couldn’t wait until we settled down and I got warm.
“Don’t be shy, take a seat.”
He drew me through the door and into this apartment filled with nostalgic posters and whitewashed walls. I looked around taking in the cold white walls and hardwood flooring. It was apparent by the décor that X had tried to warm it up with colorful posters from local theatre and early 70’s movies, a single apple green throw rug lay brightly in the middle of the dark stained hardwood floor of this turned-in cozy apartment. He pointed, directing me toward a brown sofa covered in a taupe sheet and green sarong skirt which appeared to double as the bed, I dropped the scarf across the chair over his leather jacket. I couldn’t bring myself to words as he poured an ounce of brandy by eye and handed the over-sized crystal glass across the room, so I stood silently until he withdrew a small sachet of pristine white power, a razorblade, and a cooper tube from a silver case, closing the lid to reveal an engraved Chinese design I would later find out meant ‘pure’. He pointed to the small mirror sitting on a stylish crate in front of the sofa.
“Have a seat I’ll cut it at the table. Just like Christmas dinner”
I was a little nervous, and let out a laugh that seemed after the fact horribly commercial and staged. I sat at the sofa and X throw himself down behind the table across from me. I watched in disbelief as he transferred and cut four equal lines of the stunning white extract across the dust polished mirror. I had never even tried Coke but wouldn’t dare tell him. He railed first, lifting this fine white powder up the brass tube; he made it look so easy, and sexy. I must have looked apprehensive
“It’s alright, it’s clean” He said as he slid the mirror over the table under my virgin nose, his nostrils flared I would always think he looked sexier when he was angry for this reason.
I can remember the feeling, the first time I inhaled the smooth white powder, the way you remember your first kiss, tender and sweet, dizzy and enthralling. The bitter powder hit the top of my brain like a magnet to north. At first I felt nothing, and then slowly the numb angelic feeling of content. I knew this was only the beginning. I was young and horny and this man thought I was special. I watched time after time as we drank, X cutting two more lines, my life evaporating into his. I was in his world and I never wanted to leave. We talked all night long about subjects ranging from movies and music to philosophy of life and future careers, he wanted to be a writer. He moved around the table and gazed into my eyes opening the door to my soul. Holding me close.
“You are so beautiful”
Xavier knew I was young and wanted to mould me into the man he knew I could become. I wanted him to teach me everything, and he wanted that night to try. He leaned in and without notice kissed me softly on the edge of my mouth.
Taken by surprise I said “Thank You” this caused a roar of laughter to come from no where within me.
“You’re welcome, May I kiss you again?” he laughed and we both leaned in and laughed together
The second time I was ready and recorded the moment. He leaned in I could smell his breath, sweet and pungent from the cocaine, yet manly when mixed with the sweat rolling off his neck. I wanted him to take me then for the first time I wasn’t scared, he tilted my head discreetly pressed his lips, soft and full, unprotected, against my pure passive mouth, so gently I melted into this moment. His fingers slipping behind my ears his manly hands cradling my face, attempting to pull me in I let out a small cough and sniffled slightly as he took my breath into his kiss.
He peered into mine, his eyes smiling “You love it?” before I could answer he pulled down gently on my chin to slightly part my lips.
I didn’t need drugs to enjoy this and he knew it -the coke was actually mellowing out, and time could have been passing in minutes or hours- a shrill of emotion swelled up in this moment as this man took my breath away and cradled my head, we kissed; breathing as one.