This is getting really frustrating . Thanks to last week's screw up, I cannot even bring myself to talk to her. Nowadays I walk around school like a guy who was seen nude in front of a crowd.So ashamed.
I think I can relate to the feelings moles have...you know, the one where they want to dig into a hole and die .
I don't know if she has told the entire class because I haven't talked to anyone this week. I just come to school really late and leave as fast as I can. But as the days pass by I cannot take it anymore. How long am I going to keep doing this? I have to talk to her. I have to confront her.
This can't go on forever.
If I'm not wrong , the screw up happened exactly one week from now because she came half an hour earlier than usual. She hasn't come early since then. So if Thursday is the day she comes early, then today is Thursday. I have to come even earlier. For the first...i mean for the second time the two of us would be the only people in class. The advantage would be that I would have about half an hour and all the privacy in the world to at least start talking to her.
Yeah...and the disadvantage would be that you may urinate in your pants while doing it.
I hadn't thought of that.
I haven't said a word to her since the day I saw her. I've only been looking at her like some prized ruby. I couldn't muster the courage to talk to her in front of my friends. How on earth was I going to talk to her in private? Not to mention the medical symptoms I get when she is within a five foot radius from me. My legs start shaking. My pulse rate shoots up. My mouth goes dry. No matter who I'm talking to , I start stammering. I sweat profusely. And as Nik rightly pointed out that day, I start smiling . No I mean even if I'm talking about something serious like someone's death, I start smiling. That kind of smiling. Weird smiling.
And...uh...ahem ahem...I uh...I also start..uh...never mind.
You start blushing. Like a girl.
It doesn't matter any more. I have to face her. It's now or never.
As I wait in class , I take in the fact that the day is quite beautiful. I can see the calm and quiet ocean far away . The waves are gently sliding across the shore. I can hear their gushing sound.The sky as usual is purple-ish blue. And that is because the sun is on the verge of rising completely. The air is crisp, and all the greenery around me that is making the air, are full of leaves laden with fresh morning dew.
All in all a perfect day for your second screw up.
Actually, No. I don't feel like I'm going to screw up today. A new confidence is born within me. I suddenly feel calm and collected. I feel mature. I can do this. This isn't nuclear physics. This is talking to some girl in my class. Big deal. At the most she won't show interest. At least I'll get an answer . Hmm I'm really feeling good. The weather is perfect and it fills me with a lot of coolness and confidence . This is going to be very....
"Hey hi ...good morning"
Oh shit she's here. She said hi ! Oh my god she actually acknowledged my presence! What do I say? WHAT DO I SAY??!!! Do I say "Hi beautiful"? No that would be too flirtatious. How about "Hey baby what's up?" What am I saying ? that won't work. I have to think of something fast. Oh god my legs have started shaking. Why am I shaking so much???This is so bad!! I want to crawl into a hole and die right now. Think Nat THINK!!!
"Uh...um...uh...good morning", I reply.
She goes to her desk and sits down with her bag and stuff.She takes out some notebooks and her pens. Then she looks up at me and smiles. Oh my god she's so into me! She's going to say something. SHE'S GOING TO ASK ME OUT :-D
"Hey did you do the maths homework?"
Oh yeah. I forgot what I look like. The homework guy.
"Uh no . I never do my homework." I try to say . Maybe that would make me sound like some cool rebellious guy.
"You're Nat right?"she says.
"Um yeah. What's your name?" I ask calmly while pretending to be busy searching for something in my bag. Actually I'm congratulating myself from the inside because she knows my name :-D
"Actually Grita told me that she always copies your homework. Can I have it please? I wasn't able to do it yesterday."
I really wish Grita would get injected with a dose of mad cow disease right now. Making me look like a total nerd.
You are a total nerd . What else was she supposed to tell this girl? Nat teaches me how to rap?
I quietly hand over my homework to her. I'm afraid if I open my mouth I'll say something totally inappropriate .
"By the way you were very quiet the entire week. Did I make you feel bad by laughing at you the other day? I'm sorry that was kinda funny"she says while writing, without looking up.
Dude there are like a billion words in the english dictionary . Use them.
"I was just practicing some gymnastics"
"You do gymnastics? Impressive" she smiles. Oh god my pulse rate is up.
"Yeah . I do gymnastics. Actually I won the interstate tournament last month"
OH GOD what did I just say?? I've never made it to the neighborhood level team let alone winning in it. I shouldn't be lying like this. But at this point I'm past caring. Whatever makes her smile. I don't care if I have to say I've adopted a kid from each country in the world or I went cliff diving on Mount Everest. If she thinks its impressive, make it twice as impressive.
"Wow . Nice."
NICE? That's it? That's all an inter state champion gets? NICE? That's what someone would say if gave them leftover meatloaf as a Christmas gift. "Nice". What happened to stuff like "Awesome" or "Incredible"?
Maybe she knows you're lying. You don't look like an inter state champion .
Okay I have to move the conversation forward.
"So ...how do you like this school?" I ask.
She gives me this queer look . As if I've said something totally absurd. "Uhmm...It's nice I guess."
"Okay. Must be difficult to adjust in a new place. New people, new surroundings and stuff"
She looks up again with that queer expression. "New....people? New surroundings? I'm here since first grade man"
Okay this is really weird. If she's here from the eight years I should have noticed by now. Maybe there's some portal to a parallel universe hidden in the school somewhere.
"You won the spelling bee last year . I was there in the audience. Your also well known for making jokes out of every single thing you see. I've heard about you."she continues.
Okay this is going really bad. My reputation before this girl is plummeting downwards. She thinks I'm a nerd and a clown. OH GOD WHY? Now think of something really clever to say.
"Um....great. You need any help with the homework?"
"Nope. I'm just copying. I'm not that much of a genius like you. I don't understand Math that well."she replies.
Okay this conversation is going nowhere.I have no more topics to discuss and she's busy writing, and speaks only to answer my questions. So she isn't interested in talking much either. It's better I walk out now rather than stay and say something more stupid. As it is my reputation is blown. But at least I got to talk to her for the first time.
"So uh...I have to go somewhere now, so when your done give my book to Grita she'll give it back to me."
She looks up straight into my eyes."Can I keep your book today, please? I have a lot of incomplete stuff. "
The way she looked at me I would have let her take my house and all my property.
"Ya sure, but what about the homework tomorrow? I really need to complete that." I say. I don't know why I said it. I should have said yes.
I made you say it.
"Oh ...then I'll do one thing I'll come early tomorrow with your book. And we can do tomorrow's homework together before the class starts" she says.
I'm a genius.
I CANNOT WAIT FOR TOMORROW!