Note to self: Life sucks.
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, what they're saying are lies. Lies.
I am thinking about this as I sit in the middle of Emily's kitchen floor, holding her in my arms. Smoothing down her hair and wipeing away the odd tear.
I know you're all wondering what the hell I'm doing in the middle of Emily's kitched floor. The answer is simple; this is where Emily's legs gave out from under her and she collapsed sobbing. I ran to her and she threw her arms around me, whimpering the same two words over and over again into my shoulder.
I didn't say anything. What could I say? Nothing. Nothing would make her feel better. I just held her, gently rocking her.
She sniffs. "I still don't really believe it, you know?"
I look down at her scarred, but absolutely stunning face. I smile, lying my cheek on her hair, I whisper; "me neither. But that's okay, this is going to take a while to get used to."
"But I don't want to get used to it. I never want to get used to it. I want to love him forever."
I find myself laughing softly. "Oh Em. You can love him forever, he still loves you and you still love him - you will always love him, no matter where he is. And no one can take that away from you. No one." I tighten my grip around her a little bit more.
"I still expect him to come waltzing through the door. Just walk in, come over to me and kiss me. You know, like he always did."
I sigh. I didn't know what to say to that.
"Jacob?" She mumbles, "can I tell you something. No one knows, I didn't even tell Sam."
Oh my God. A secret she didn't even tell Sam.
Before I even think about it, I gently hiss, "yes."
She smiles, then hesitates. "I'm... I'm - "
"You're what?" I encourage.
"I'm..." She shivers in my arms.
"You can trust me." I say.
She shakes her head, "I know."
The silence is deafening. I give her time, not wanting to push her - bully her, into telling me.