We broke apart finally after what felt like hours, I looked up at William, a triumphant smirk appeared on his face and I felt my heart sink low into my stomach as the weight of guilt pressed against it. I felt distrusting, wrong, and false, all I wanted to do was runaway as fast as I could to a distant land, perhaps America and just live there until I was old and senile.
“Promise me that you will not allow Alexander to touch you again, I would hate to think that he would ruin you.” I laughed a little at Williams’ choice of words and moved away from him, creating some distance between us.
I had to remind myself not to be tempted by his charm, Alexander was the only one who I wanted now and William could not compare to the way Alexander made me feel. I started to walk briskly away from William, thinking that perhaps if I created the distance, the temptation to be with him would start to fade.
However, creating the distance between us made the desire for him grow and burn fiercely inside of me, the desire made my footsteps lessen and slow, as if the desire for him was like a ball and chain. I stopped completely; the wave of guilt pressing down on my heart squeezed it as I heard William’s footsteps against the stone, I felt his hand touch my shoulder, the fingers caressing at my neck and cheek.
“Do you want to stay here or be with me Charlotte?” Whispered William, his words fuelled the fire, I could feel my heart beating erratically at the new option that was presented, I could stay here and wait for Alexander, or I could go with William, knowing all too well, what he wanted.
I closed my eyes as William walked in front of me; to have him close was tempting enough and I certainly wanted a clear mind when I make a decision. I felt Williams lips on mine, the familiar softness of his kiss made my arms wrap around him, even though every inch of my brain was screaming at me to stop, to think, I was only listening to my body, it wanted William. The kiss became passionate and lustful quickly, I felt his tongue press against mine and his hands pressed against my back trying to make me melt into him.
“Charlotte?” I heard Alexander’s voice, it sounded hurt, angry, betrayed, I felt William smirk in the kiss and break away, without turning around he bit my neck eliciting a moan from my lips. Smiling William broke apart from me and stood next to me, his arm snaking around my waist and pulling me closer to his body.
Alexander’s face was set in stone, murderous rage and hurt pulsating through his body; I could see it in his eyes. I wanted to tell him that I felt nothing for William, however, I knew that would be a lie and to lie to Alexander would in itself be a sin. He walked towards me, his steps slow and calculating, I could see the hurt in his eyes overshadow the rage.
“The whore and the devil, a perfect match.”
Whispered Alexander, I could hear his voice shaking, trying to hide his hurt, the words that he spoken had stabbed me through the heart, he called me something that made me feel the opposite when I was with him and now as he said it I knew it was true.
All I was to him, to anyone was a whore, nothing but a sinful whore.
“Alexander, you do not know her as well as I do. Charlotte needs a man, not a boy.” William spoke arrogantly, I could hear the laughter in his voice, I could hear the condescending tone, I could hear the venom seep out of his words.
I could see the murderous rage again in Alexander’s eyes they were burning William alive and then suddenly he turned around and left, his steps becoming quicker, less calculated. I wanted to run to him, apologize and beg for his forgiveness. Yet I could still feel Williams arms around my waist and I knew that there was no turning back.
The carriage jerked forward as it began moving, the sun was settling low behind the horizon of buildings and a soft pink and purple glow lay on the sky. I had stayed with William and Amelia for most of the day pretending to be a flamboyant gentleman, it drained me, I smiled at the fact that the carriage was taking me home and I could finally relax.
I woke up as the carriage came to a stop, night had blanketed the sky and the chill of the night crept through my spine. Clara, unusually did not bombard me with questions on whether or not I wanted tea, in fact she did not even greet me through the door. This did not bother me; as such, it was just unusual.
I walked quietly into my room, undressed and quietly I packed Alexander’s clothes away in my chest of drawers. The memory of Alexander, the hurt in his eyes, I wanted to erase it from my memory, I desperately wanted to beg for forgiveness and yet, he called me a whore. Shaking away the memory and nostalgia I crept into bed, the cold was unforgiving, a shiver ran up my spine and I felt alone, unloved.