ANONYMOUS by request (aka the creepy quiet kid): Referenced by Ellen Rathy as ‘someone to talk to’ when commenting on the investigation of the Gabbi murder case.
I wish to inform Miss Ellen Rathy, a former classmate from my early school days, that thanks to comments she made…
*pauses* *presses finger against forehead*
I recommend Ellen Rathy undergo some type of trauma or phobia counseling soon. Sensitivity training at the very least. Please, give her my card if you would. Thank you. As I was saying, I returned from a quick vacation in Berlin…
*holds up finger* Wait one second.
What was I saying? Oh yes, I come back from Berlin and suddenly I’m pulled into a murder investigation thanks to…
Woah! Sorry, another minute.
Where was I? Right, thanks to the comments Miss Rathy made that somehow got back to Detective Jim - and my hair was not purple, it was cornflower – maybe I let the dye sit too long, I don’t remember – anyway, Ellen Rathy. Maybe she got hit in the head too many times…
Okay. Now, what was I.., yes, she was hit in the head too many times in dodgeball. Probably picked last most of the time. Those scars last a lifetime. Did I give you my card? She should schedule an appointment. Pass it along to her.
INTERVIEWER: Would it be possible for you to shut down your Notebook during this? It’s distracting. This shouldn’t take long. Thank you. Please continue.
Yes. Thanks to Ellen Rathy I missed five appointments yesterday. As soon as the plane landed I called my secretary and she tells me a guy named Detective Jim from my hometown called asking about some old lady who died decades ago. I hid in that airport bathroom for hours.
Whatever do you mean by that comment?
INTERVIEWER: You just said hid.
What are you implying? *bends low, digs fingers in top pocket of suitcoat, sits erect* Oh, look what you dropped. *slides blue tablets across the table*
INTERVIEWER: *raises eyebrow* *pushes pills back*
If they’re good enough for Bob Dole… *pushes pills forward*
INTERVIEWER: *grabs hand and forces pills back* *glares*
Okay. Okay. *nervous laugh* That detective’s not in town, is he? *pulls at collar* Good to hear. Now, about that money I raised right before I traveled to Vienna.
INTERVIEWER: What? I’m not sure I understand.
No one’s mentioned it? Oh dear, my mistake. Never mind. Nice to meet you. I have to run. *checks watch* Three more appointments today.
INTERVIEWER: Oh my God.
What? *ducks under table* Are we surrounded?
INTERVIEWER: On the television behind you. Breaking news out of your hometown. At the penitentiary. A riot in the yard. There’s a lock down. Is that Mercutio in the background? Injuries and a hostage situation. It’s all happening now. Look. News crews are only arriving on the scene.
Mercutio? *moves closer to scrutinize the television screen* Not the Mercutio I used to know! It’s been years… Doesn’t he have a younger brother with a weird name? *runs to the door* I have patients waiting. *closes door* *pops head back in* And keep my name out of this!