Ellen Rathy: Keeping a close watch on the Pistol McDoozie story
Pistol, a murderer? Oh, you have got to be kidding. If anyone I went to high school with ever killed a guy, then it'd probably be that thug Raymond Emerson. I mean... Or that creepy quiet kid. Could be.
I mean, c'mon! He was so tiny, and cute!--in the way that a puppy is cute, I mean... Not entirely attractive, but still. He was a nice guy. Just one of those sweet little dorks who follows the prom queen around... Oops! Pistol, I didn't mean that, I mean... I did, but I did like you. Plus, I'm sure you're much cooler now, right?
But Pistol, he wouldn't hurt a fly. And don't think anything of it, but he wasn't a bad kisser either. Just saying. Doubt that that girl Ana ever made out with him while her boyfriend was out getting her tacos, hm? Oh, but that was uncalled for. I'm sorry! Really sorry! I mean... I can just be a real witch with a capital B sometimes, you know?
Well, look into that Raymond Emerson, or the creepy quiet kid. I don't have a clue what his name was, but he had the most disgusting hair, dyed purple, can you believe it? I mean...
[the remainder is unrelated to the subject]